I can't help but think that a node entitled "How to get a Blow Job" might be more useful for John Q. Noder. - from the
How to give a blow job node.
Bloody hell. I thought these were obvious. I've never had to give one myself, but most of my female friends produce the same common complaints. The five golden rules:
- Be Jewish Or Learn To Wash
Unless your knob cheese is pure Edam, it's not going to taste very pleasant. Take a few moments in the shower to roll back your foreskin and give a little wash.
- Don't Push
Next time you're eating a hotdog, imagine if a hand clasped around the back of your neck and attempted to shove the whole thing into your gob. Not pleasent. Respect that only a few talented actresses can fit an entire male member into their mouths, and your average noder can only get a bit in.
- Spit? Swallow? Its The Sucking That Counts
Some people enjoy swallowing. Some people simply can't (trust me - I've had to heimlich one person who couldn't but tried anyway). It's no reflection on you. Get over it.
- Don't Ask
"Suck me, beautiful," said the bloke in American Pie, and oh how we laughed. Because we all knew that a blow job is a treat, and not a privilege. Didn't we?
- Repay The Favour
No, that glint in the other persons eye is not the joy of someone who has just swallowed your man sap. It's the gleam of expectation of someone who's expecting reciprocated ecstasy any second. Of course, if you were a real gentleman you would have dealt with that duty earlier.
and just because I like you, I'll even tell you the sixth, secret rule...
- Don't Be An Asshole
Treat your partner like a human being. Don't act like a horny 14-year old. Have a personality beyond your car. Then you might have a vague chance of getting a blow job, and who knows what else?