Buy a newspaper. Turn to the EMPLOYMENT section. Under "Positions Vacant", look under F for "flautist", or T for "trumpeter" or "trombonist".

If you perform well in the audition, you'll soon have a blow job.

After each concert, ask groupies for oral sex.

And to add to the above, if you live in London:

  1. Travel to Piccadilly Circus station. Leave via the 'Shaftesbury Avenue' exit and proceed down that street until you come to Wardour Street on your right.
  2. Head down Wardour Street until you come to Lisle Street on your left. Proceed down Lisle Street.
  3. On the left you will notice many doorways with fluorescent pieces of card stuck just inside, usually with 'Model, first floor' or 'Busty model, second floor'. Enter one of these doorways and head to the appropriate floor, trying not to think of the crowds of people milling past you on the street outside, staring at you, laughing at you, shunning you. There may be a man who offers you drugs; say no. The stairs will smell of urine. This is because they have been peed on.
  4. You will be confronted by a door. Press the bell. Try not to look like a psycho - not that it matters. Wait. Enter. You will be asked by an old lady to sit in a chair and wait. Do so.
  5. After a while a younger lady will direct you into a bedroom. When she asks what you are there for, reply "French, please". Hand her twenty pounds and two pounds for the older lady.
  6. You will receive further instructions from the younger lady, which you should follow.

Presto, there you go.

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