If you're reading this, you are almost certainly a geek!


Wikipedia kindly defines a geek as a person "who is fascinated, perhaps obsessively, by technology and imagination," and Merriam-Webster's Dictionary says a geek is "a carnival performer often billed as a wild man whose act usually includes biting the head off a live chicken or snake."

Geeks tend to enjoy cyber social-interaction over rotting in meatspace. In this, geeks often pursue mental stimulation and honing technical skills like fragging in the latest version of Quake (w00t) or pwning n00bs in the latest version of Unreal over destroying valuable skin cells from solar radiation. Their constant efforts to better themselves often requires them multi-task and eat while keeping their mind active. It is not uncommon to find in the internets persons who have skills that "aren't at their best because they are trying to eat their chicken fingers." This is most-likely the source of Webster's definition of geek.
-Enjoy stimulating yourself.
-Speaking in 1337 helps!
-pwn - verb - To dominate in entirety
-Harbor your body from danger
-Keep food and other necessities near by (mini-fridge?)

All geeks hate mittens. They are a symbol of everything they hate. Mittens hinder a geek's digits' dexterity, suggest they are in a non-centrally heated place, and can not have ready access to the specially designed nutrition they need to survive. In situations where a geek should be called upon to exit his room / workplace to enter the cold of a winter of meatspace, they often wear finger-less gloves. This aids them in the case they need to interface with others on the move. This is often done using two technologies knows as "Wi-Fi" and "cellular telephones!"
-"I really hate mittens."
-"Yes! I can look up driving directions from the car!"
-Use text messaging groups to organize useful activities while away in meatspace!
-You have a mobile phone: so should your laptop.
-Know when the drive-thru closes.

Geeks are highly adaptive. Within their society, there is a mantra, "Anything goes as pants." In some cases, it has been recorded that brightly-painted geese were effectively worn as pants! If this doesn't show their ingenuity, I don't know what else does. It doesn't stop there though. The idea is think outside the box, while still in your box. The box must be broken. Your box is your friend. Your girlfriend will never let you touch her box. The best tools to help you think outside the box are google.com, IM, and weed.
-"Anything goes as pants!"
-More livestock to eat and / or wear.
-WTF is "the box" anyway?
-Save money on condoms.
-"What's your screen name?"
-Learn about hydroponics for your room. Try googling it!
-Pants only get you laid if you go outside and look all sexy!
Things Geeks Like:
Rope Lighting
Dolby 5.1 Speakers
Dolby 5.1 Headphones
Power Strips
Animated TV
Animated Pornography
People who actually "no wtf there talkn about"
Processed foods
Techno, Metal, and Industrial Musics
Not Mittens
suggestions welcome
Things Geeks Hate:
suggestions welcome

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