Generic Sysadmin Report

        The following broke today.  (check all that addly)
( ) FTP/WWW site          ( ) Firewall              ( ) physical network          ( ) Windows NT Server
( ) Lotus Notes SMTP gateway  ( ) Novell LAN
( ) sendmail                  ( ) Router
( ) mainframe                 ( ) printer            
( ) Big Boss' machine         ( ) UNIX box
( ) ______________'s porn archive( ) Database server
( ) Exabyte 8mm tape drive      ( ) RAID array
( ) something of greater complexity than I can describe in small enough words for management to understand
( ) other _______________________________ 

___ repeatedly.
___ for the __sixth__ time in the past
___ hour.
___ day.
___ month.
___ year.

___ after normal working hours.
___ but during my normal working hours.
___ because I'm a loser with no life.
___ because I can only get things done when no one else is around.
___ because everybody dumps their problems on me.
___ and I was the only one left in the office.
___ again.
___ and right as I was about to leave.
___ as I was doing something important.
___ playing a game.

___ nethack.
___ netrek.
___ tetris.
___ MUD/MOO.
___ all of the above.
___ at the same time.
___ reading news.
___ downloading porn.
___ with telnet.
___ with lynx.
___ with ]netscape].
___ and image loading was turned off.
___ with MSIE.
___ and I was reading my personally autographed copy of _The Road Ahead_, by Bill Gates.
___ working on my resume.
___ thinking up this stupid form.
___ as I was working.

___ I didn't want to fix it because
___ I didn't know how.
___ I didn't care.
___ It wasn't my f-ing problem.
___ I had an interview to go to.
___ I hoped no one would notice.

___ I fixed it
___ even though it wasn't my problem.
___ even though I think the product is crap.
___ and have told management my opinion.
___ and offered an alternative.
___ and was ignored.
___ repeatedly.
___ because I needed to print my resume with it.
___ because the "real" admin didn't know how.
___ because I was offered a bribe of (check all that addly)
___ chocolate.
___ beer.
___ sex.
___ and they were cute, too.
___ cash.
___ buffered analgesics.
___ I just checked that so I could say "anal", huh-huh.
___ pizza.
___ because I would get fired if I didn't.
___ on second thought, let me break it again....

___ by powercycling it.
___ repeatedly.
___ with a sledgehammer.
___ by reading the manual.
___ and throwing away the useless manual and figuring it out myself.
___ by sacrificing an animal to Cthulu.
___ and I could tell you how I fixed it, but then I'd have to kill you.
___ you wouldn't understand.
___ I don't know how I fixed it.

___ The people who I fixed this for
___ will shower me with praise and affection for my quick thinking and extreme dedication to my work.
___ won't notice that anything was ever broken.
___ even though the entire company could have gone down in flames.
___ will whine that it was broken, even if it didn't affect them.
___ are an ungrateful bunch of twits.
___ can hitch a ride on the next comet for all I care.
___ shouldn't walk by any clock towers anytime soon.
___ I am now going
___ home to get a good night's sleep.
___ home to get an hour of sleep before those twits page me again.
___ to begin drinking heavily.
___ again.
___ to DisneyWorld!
___ to the local mental hospital.
___ in a straitjacket.
___ while heavily sedated.

from somewere

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