So I’m checking my e-mail, they redid their site and it’s all spiffy looking, neat, bright and new. Scanning the list of new messages, I suddenly notice a little voice (tiny little script hiding in middle of the pictures):

Nice dimples, Jane!

Now, this is a little shocking, I don’t even have dimples, and besides, what does this server think it is anyway? So I’m reading my mail and responding and typing away, click to send, and

Introducing your Royal Highness, Jane!

I suppose I could get all snippy about its using my first name, rifling through records to find the Real Nametm I signed up with. But it’s sorta sweet, and nice:

My head hurts from falling for you, Jane.

You got it going on, Jane.

Let me count the ways I love thee, Jane.
For a good time, call Jane.
Que Pasa, Jane?
Can I see some ID, Jane?

Every time I reload, a different line smirks at me from the top of the screen.

Hey, Jane! Wanna chat?

Like Jane. If I could only be like Jane.
I found your marbles, Jane.
Jane, phone home.
Beam me up, Jane.
Heads or tails, Jane?

And my personal favorite:
Pretty please? With some Jane on top?!

Flirting with the mail server? The fact that stand/alone/bitch is wooed by men and SMTP servers alike is just proof of her charms.


(I'm in bold, Jane the mailserver is plain.)

wwoods@evilcow:~$ telnet smtp
Connected to
Escape character is '^]'.
220 ESMTP Sendmail 8.8.5/8.8.5; Mon, 11 Dec 2000 10:16:54 -0600
Helo jane
250 Hello [], pleased to meet you
I like you. Do you like me?
500 Command unrecognized
Unrecognized? I know, we've never really talked before, but I really like your style..
500 Command unrecognized
Does this mean you don't want to go on a date?
500 Command unrecognized
221 closing connection
Connection closed by foreign host.


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