Cast Of Thousands, Chapter 5

Jess' Zine:

Davis Bookstore Reviews

Here are my reviews of some good (and bad!) local bookstores.

The Avid Reader (New Books)

They smell good, like books. Not all bookstores do. For example Waldenbooks smells like money and air-conditioning. The Avid Reader has some comfy chairs. I like their big yellow squishy one. They have one huge bonus though which is A WHOLE STORE JUST FOR THE KIDS' BOOKS. that's right. and it's two stores away from Baskin-Robbins and around the corner from the Alphabet Moon toystore.

The regular store has soo many books. It has a big science-fiction and fantasy section and a lot of grownup fiction books. They also have fun small things to buy like shiny magnetic bookmarks at the front counter. The best part of the big bookstore I think is that it has special shelves just for books by people who live around here. You can get books you would never see and also poetry books! Lots of little poetry books. I wonder if they would sell zines.

Books you want: Three stars

Books you find: Four stars

Bathroom: Yes, if you get the key and go out the back hallway (which smells really bad cause there is a hair salon there, so walk fast!)

Near Ice Cream: yes, across the parking lot from Baskin-Robbins

The Avid Reader Children's Store (New Books)

This gets a special separate review cause it is really a special separate store.

Like we said, ice cream and kids' books and toys right together. The A. R. C.'s S. has toys too, and coloring books, and activity books, and special pens and pencils to do them with, and board books, and picture books, and chapter books, and diaries, and those Klutz books that come with toys and teach you things like how to braid your hair or how to juggle. So, they are a good store. I can spend hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours in that store.

I wonder if THEY would sell zines!

Books you want: Four stars

Books you find: Four stars

Bathroom: I don't think so. But you could go to the big store's bathroom or to Cafe Roma.

Near Ice Cream: yes! you might as well be buying books in the ice cream place practically!

BUT! WARNING!

The guy who owns the Avid Reader stores is a big fighter against Spanish Immersion programs. He says he thinks that it's not fair for some kids to get an advantage over other kids by learning a second language early. I say he should put his kids in Spanish Immersion if he thinks it is such a big important advantage cause anyone who wants to can put their kids in it! Plus any parent can make their kid take classes in some language or learn a language some other way. Plus, this is probably one of the only places in the world where kids only learn one language and most grownups even only know their one language. And he should want to change that if he thinks that it is such a big deal. So I know people who won't shop there because the guy who owns it puts signs up against it if votes about it ever come up. But they usually don't. You could also go argue with him and see if you can make him change his mind! Arguing is free!

Barnes and Noble: (New Books)

New music and new books. You'd think that would be good but it's not. We already have a new music store (Tower) and a used music store (Armadillo) downtown, and two new bookstores and three used bookstores. Barnes and Noble doesn't add anything to this except that they don't have to make a profit so they can charge really low prices on some few things and drive everyone else out of business. Luckily Davis is really into local independent stuff so this hasn't happened yet but it still sucks that they are there. I don't want their stupid tiny selection of the forty CDs that really big companies think I should buy. Nyah!

They may have coffee too which is extra-double-plus-gross and doesn't give them any extra points in THIS review.

Books you want: No stars. Zero. You heard me. Go somewhere else.

Books you find: Probably two stars. I mean it's still a bookstore after all.

Bathroom: I doubt it. They probably make you pee in a jar outside and then call the cops on you.

Near ice cream: Yes, the stupid buttheads, besides Baskin-Robbins they are also RIGHT next to Ben and Jerry's.

Bogey's Books (New And Used Books)

They rock. They have really comfy chairs and lots of new books that are super-cheap as well as all their very cheap used books. I mean, cheap for books. Not cheap for pasta or something. They have a store kittycat named Jasmine: they are the only Davis bookstore with a cat. It is very important to have a bookstore cat. I'm surprised that the other ones never figured this out. Jasmine is a super-nice longhair cat who owns the whole store. She owns you, too.

Bogey's has a really good science fiction section and a really really good selection of funny books. They're used so you get a lot more books than a new store would have. Cause funny books go out of print really fast, I think, except maybe Garfield. Their kids' section is pretty small but it is jammed full of books and a lot of them only cost a dollar or two. The only downside to Bogey's is that sometimes the owner is kind of a dork - he jokes with you but it's not always funny.

Books you want: 4 stars (they have a good selection)

Books you find: 4 stars

Bathroom: Nope - you have to go to the one in Cafe Roma but at least everyone can use that one. And you get to pass all the Cool Kids (tm) who hang out there!

Near Ice Cream: yes, it is right across the street from Baskin-Robbins and down from Ben and Jerry's.

The Mystery Bookstore (New And Used Books)

I don't know what this store is called, even, anymore. Crime and Coffee? Mystery and Some Other Word? It used to be Coffee and Classics, and it was nice with snacks and music and a nice old-booky smell and wooden shelves stuffed full of books. Now it is all cold metal shelves and mystery novels, nothing but mystery novels. They probably still have food, and a name that makes sense (what IS it?), but I don't go there anymore because I don't like mysteries. If you do, it's probably going to be your favorite place in the whole world.

Books you want: If they're mysteries, four stars. If not, no stars.

Books you find: One star - unless you like mysteries - then four.

Bathroom: Yep, actually. Cause they have food.

Near Ice Cream: Ben and Jerry's. And not far from Baskin-Robbins.

WARNING: Oh No! I never went to this bookstore and now it is gone! Instead there is a tattoo parlor! And you have to be 18 to get a tattoo!

No fun for mystery-lovers now!!

The Next Chapter:
(New Books)

They keep saying they're going to move to Sacramento because of Barnes and Noble. They can if they want. They're not my favorite store because they have weird fluorescent lights and somehow they never feel like they have that many books. It's a big store, maybe they just don't fill it up enough. They still have a LOT of books.

They have a good selection of funny books though, and pretty good science-fiction and a friendly kids' area. And a good selection of Spanish books. They just don't feel like a nice place to hang out in is all.

Books you want: Three stars.

Books you find: Two stars (they don't have a good browsing thing going on but they still have some pretty good stuff.)

Near Ice Cream: No. Bathroom: No either!

Sweet Briar Books (New And Used Books)

This is a good store if you don't know what you want or don't have very much money to spend. They don't usually have what I'm looking for when I go in, but then it turns out they had five other books that I never knew I wanted so bad.

They are mostly a used bookstore with some new books that are often really super-cheap anyway. They have Tarot cards behind the counter for sale, even a little super-tiny cute Motherpeace deck! (those are the round ones) And little tiny mini books with poetry and stuff in them at the counter, just in case you didn't spend enough money before you got up there.

Their cookbook section is also especially big and they have some really cool kids books.

Location: In the parking lot of the Davis Food Co-op on G Street

Books you want: Two stars

Books you find: Four stars

Bathroom: Nope. Maybe at the Co-op.

Ice cream nearby: Only at the Co-op.

Waldenbooks (New Books)

Do they even count? Everyone else is downtown and Waldenbooks is trapped in a tiny store in the mall. They are actually not that small, but they seem small because all they have is chain books. I mean books that are part of a huge series, like Sweet Valley Twins or Saddle Club - books that are like chain stores. That's all they have! And a few books they think are "classics." Most of them are owned by Disney. The books, not the store. Nobody gets bothered about the store being a chain cause it's in the mall and nobody goes there, but it's not really a good store anyway.

Books you want: No stars

Books you find: One star

Bathroom: I think there might be one somewhere in the mall just cause it's a mall. Otherwise you're kind of trapped.

Near Ice Cream: No it is not.

***

Ways To Sell More Girl Scout Cookies:

1. Give them puppy-dog eyes.

2. Be real bouncy and cute.

3. Suggest lots of new flavors that they should try. Like if they like Tagalongs they should try the peanut butter sandwich cookies. OR if they like Samoas they should get some shortbread to go with it because they go well together.

4. Pretend that you're giving them a discount and tell them it would normally cost twice as much.

5. Sell to people your parents work with or are friends with.

6. Sell to all your friends' families.

7. Dress up in a big cookie costume to go door-to-door.

8. Tell them if you sell five more boxes you get a prize.

9. Borrow someone's kid sister or brother to go with you and look really cute for you.

10. Tell them what each cookie is good for. Like ask if they like tea or coffee and tell them that the shortbread cookies are amazing when you dip them in tea or coffee. If they like to jog or bike or exercise, Tagalongs are good for that extra protein burst of energy!

11. Make up your own and send them to me!

12. Try these and tell me how they work for you!

***

A Fine Place To Go:

A fine place to go this issue is Chocolat. Or is it Ciocolat? It is supposed to be the italian word for Chocolate and it is the little fancy chocolate store on B Street that used to be Green Planet smoothies. They have lots of teeny tiny chocolates that are extra-fancy. They are also extra-expensive - one truffle or little chocolate can be between $1.50 and $3.00!

Their chocolate is really good but some of it is weird. I'm not sure if I want currant jelly in my mouth. They are all really pretty, though - little checkerboard chocolates and hearts with lids on them and raspberry inside, and little cakes and good drinks.

This is a good place to go for a special occasion, especially if someone else is buying you stuff. They have a Mother's Day tea every year that you have to make reservations for, and little gift boxes that you can fill with the chocolates that you want to give someone. They are also across from Central Park if you want to eat chocolate in the grass and the sun.

The Quotes Page:

Things My Cat Says

1. Miaouw

2. Hisss!

3. Prrorow?

4. Prrrp!

5. NyAO-OWH!

6. ReeeEEEYOW!

7. Mew!

8. Meow? Meow? Meow?

9. PrrrRrrrrRrrrrrRrrrr

10. PURR? PURR?

11. Hhh! (slap slap slap)

12. (big-eyed stare for attention)

13. fart!

My mom says she talks outta her butt.

Editorial

Vote Yes on Proposition I

by Jessie

A vote for Proposition I is a vote for Ice Cream.

If Prop I passes, Ice Cream will be served for Lunch and Dinner. This will not only benefit the voting public tremendously, but also our hard-working Cows, who long to be milked and to see the milk go to a Useful Purpose.

Proposition I is a fair-minded program; it does not discriminate on the basis of color or class. Any ice cream can be included in this Proposition, be it green or brown or rainbow, Premium or Ice Milk. It is truly a Proposition for the People. Vote Yes on I Today!

Rebuttal:

Vote No on Proposition I

by A Cow

Supporters of Proposition I argue that it benefits us cows. I strongly disagree. I am a cow, and have been since birth. And Proposition I does nothing but steal my milk and my life.

Did you know that farmers would have to milk me 40% more to fill my part of Proposition I's needs? That's right - Prop. I calls for a 40% increase in milk production. I already get milked all the way every day! I don't need to be pumped full of hormones to produce more! I'm a busy cow! I have straws to count and other cows to stare at! Do people think I have special milk reserves? Is there an extra milk pouch in my udders? Is that what you think? That I'm hiding milk from you? I don't think you get any ice cream tonight! I'm going on cow strike!

Poetry Corner

paw paw

paw paw

tiny iron feet

curved like the claws

on an old-fashioned bathtub

soft fur paws

g

n

i

y

l

f

to the top shelf

slipping

THUD!

cat's dignity

survives

Princess Poem

If I were a princess

I would not

smile gracefully

I would not

wave to the populace

I would not

wait for Prince Charming

If I were a princess

there would be no

flaming car crashes

I would outlaw paparazzi

and drunk driving

If I were a princess

I would wear army boots

studded with diamonds

and kick some serious butt.

A Cow Strike Song:

Oh we are the cows

And we have big spots

And when we are striking

We swat flies a lot

We are the cows

And we won't take your bullplop.

When you're a cow

You may not have horns

But you have the right

To trample the corn

To poop on the pasture

And shatter the gate

For we are the cows

And we won't take your hate.

You want to take our calves

And eat them as veal

You want to milk us

For milk for your meal

And then for dessert

You eat some ice cream

Well we are the cows

And we strike cause you're mean.

***

"That's really cool!" Marcy said, closing the little zine carefully and rolling floppily off Jess' beanbag to the floor. "You know what you should put in it? You should do 'person on the street' kinds of interviews at school about different political topics or ideas or something. You could even put people's faces in here. And then they'd want to buy their own copies!"

"And maybe even copies for their family," Jessie agreed. "That's a great idea! What should I ask them about?"

"You could talk about school stuff, like who their favorite teachers are.... But that's kind of boring. Or what they'll be for Halloween...."

"I could poll them about REALLY scary stuff, like whether they think my moms should be able to get married," Jess said wickedly. "I might just want to punch them if they said the wrong thing though. I'd have to be all impartial like a real reporter."

"You could even get other kids to write things for you. Like the Poetry Club. Or even put an announcement about it in the school paper." Marcy pulled her knees up to her chest and tugged on her shoelaces excitedly.

"Yeah, I wrote that poem in Poetry Club actually. But I dunno..." Jess picked at the rug. "I kind of like it being all my own thing. YOU could write for it if you wanted, though."

"Oooh," Marcy said. "What could I write?"

Jess considered, scooting over to close the desk drawer full of zine pages. "Well, you have pretty good ideas about all the question-asking type of stuff. Or just anything. Do you ever write poems or stories or draw pictures we could use?"

"Maybe I could illustrate the cat poem! I could even draw pictures of Missy. Oo, she'd make a good comic strip, too. She could be the zine's mascot!" One shoelace popped free and she bent to re-tie it.

"You work fast," Jessica said admiringly. "You should call your mom and maybe we can work on stuff after dinner."

Marcy's mom was happy enough to get a few more free house-painting hours, and they all headed into the kitchen to set the table and settle down.

Next: Permission Slip. Previously: Count Fartula.

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