Today (yesterday, actually...damn server time) is (was) Halloween. When I was eight, this day excited the living bejebus out of me. Now, it means nothing. But when I came home from work to find that my next-door neighbors had turned their apartment into some kind of crazy trick-or-treater's paradise while my apartment was still as dark and foreboding as ever, I just had to do something.

Due to my total lack of caring that today (yesterday) is (was) Halloween, I had not stocked up on candy to give out to the little urchins. Meanwhile, my neighbors were passing out sugar by the boatload, making me look bad. I had to fight back! In the true spirit of a stupendous badass, I hatched an ingenious, yet simple plan and followed through beautifully.

Here's the deal. Every time some greedy little sugar-fiend knocked on my door, I yelled, "GODDAMN KIDS!!! MARVIN, BRING ME THAT SLEDGEHAMMER AGAIN!" and made mean stomping noises toward the door. A delightfully evil thing to do to those poor little snots, but very satisfying.

Evil rating: 7 (out of 10). Minus points because only one group of kids ended up knocking on my door (too foreboding, I guess), but plus points because when the leader of the group of four knocked and I yelled my reply, the little wackos jumped in the air and took off like jet engines, and the littlest one tripped and fell on the steps on his way out. The others left him behind. Haha!

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