Underrated character in the brilliant (no pun intented) british comedy the Fast Show, played by Caroline Aherne. Essentially, she's meant to be one of those checkout girls who makes a vain attempt at being friendly and having a quick chat, but just turns out to be very annoying, and quite embarrasing.

The sketches didn't last long, and there wasn't enough either. The camera only pointed at Caroline, and the customer was never seen or heard of.

Here's a couple of sketch scripts:

Hello. Aww, microwave meal for one? Live on your own? Aww.
slight pause
Parmesan cheese? D'you know, it smells like an old tramp's crotch, that does. You sure?
slight pause
Baked beans an' sausages. They're not real sausages, y'know. They're just like piddly things that make the beans taste funny.
slight pause
Four Guinness? Oh, d'you know what? It gives me dad the shits, that does. In it goes.
slight pause
Ribbed condoms? Very thoughtful.
slight pause
Matches. Are they for the fire, or d'you light your own farts? Eh?
slight pause
Twelve pound forty, please.
Hiya, love. Oh, big box powder. 'ave you seen 'im who does that door step challenge? Shite, 'im. It gets on my tit. An' a bag o' crisps. Who 'as the beef ones in your 'ouse? No-one. Potatoes. I bet your tied to that chip-pan, you. Oh - chocolate cake. You could do without a bit o' this, love. A bit of a big bride, aren't ya? That's six pound eighteen, please.

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