Candy Hearts

I have a 2.5lb (1134g) tub of Sweethearts sitting right next to my computer. I bought it for 99 cents at Albertson's the day after Valentine's Day. There's nothing like a little chalky candy heart with a cheezy little message to brighten my day.

Nutrition Facts:
Serving Size 14 pcs(14g)
Servings Per Container 81
Amount Per Serving
-----------------------------------
Calories 55     Calories from Fat 0
                     % Daily Value*
Total Fat 0g                     0%
Sodium   0mg                     0%
Total Carbohydrate 14g           5%
Sugars 13g
Protein 0g
-----------------------------------
*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.

Ingredients: Sugar, corn syrup, corn starch, modified food starch, gelatin, vegetable gums (gum tragacanth, arabic & xanthan), natural and artificial flavors, FD&C colors (includes yellow #5, yellow #6, red #3, and blue #1).

Stark Candy Co., Div. of Necco®

If you're feeling subversive around Valentine's Day, wipe off the message from the candy hearts with a damp rag, and write new ones on with a fine brush and some dark food colouring and see if anyone notices.

Broken teeth and broken candy. This is all I have to remember you by.

In college, I once took a theater class with a smart, attractive girl that I had the hots for. It was Valentine's Day, and for some reason, I had a bag full of Candy Hearts.

I asked her if she wanted one, and she said "No, I don't like them, and I'm really not into the spirit of Valentine's Day."

So I pulled from the bag a factory defect, and said "Ok, well how about a shriveled-up, defective, broken heart, then?"

She smiled, and ate the heart. I never got her to be my girlfriend. I still miss her.

Love Hearts, made by Swizzels Matlow, are all you get in the way of candy hearts in Britain. The nearest functional equivalent in the US would be Necco Sweethearts, though these may have a different physical form. Love Hearts are round, but they have a heart on them. They have cute slogans embossed on them, so you can use them as a sort of pre-teen dating tool.

There are a few different types of message, all in baldly declarative uppercase. There are your classics:

• I LOVE YOU
• YOU'RE MINE
• HI THERE
• MY GUY

Plus these days they put in modern stuff too:

• EMAIL ME
• TEXT ME
• BE MY ICON

But my favourites are the one or two in every pack that are just baffling. These are some I've come across recently:

• START NOW
• TRUE LIPS
• JUST SAY NO
• GLAD EYE
• BYE BYE

I don't know if this is some kind of communist subversion, or terrorist communication (Start Now?), or whether I'm just out of touch with the kids, or what. There are no clues on the official site (http://www.lovehearts.com)(though there is a fine range of merchandise for the connoisseur), though the terrorist theory is backed up by this news article: http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/uk/england/newsid_1611000/1611950.stm

Mottos aside, the sweets are quite nice on their own merit - pretty much like Refreshers (big Smarties to you, American-boy).