A truly bizarre Japanese arcade module released in 2001 by a Korean company, Taff System, that advertises itself as "a fun game of spanking the peopple (sic) who make your life miserable." That synopsis in itself should have been enough to launch ten million copies all across Japan along with a bestselling Playstation console version, but in point of fact, the game goes further by combining two past-times practiced by ancient civilizations all over the world : sodomy and fortune-telling.

Sad to say for tops like you and me, there's no real "five-across-the-cheeks" action at all in this title, no matter how much the pitifully-translated English manual made you believe. While some games have you taking up a model of an Uzi or Beretta with which you're expected to subdue the bad guys, your weapon of choice is an oversized plastic finger. Your mission? Ram it into the jeans-covered ass sensor protruding from the module and watch your nemesis writhe and scream in pain on the display unit. The "funny facial expressions" elicited by these digital personalities (among them a con artist, "gold-digger", prostitute, and child molester) will "make people laugh and relieve the stress." And if you aren't standing in a dribbling stream of your own satisfaction by THAT point, the game directly correlates your aptitude at cybersexual assault to your virility at the end of play, rating your score based upon how hard you jam the rectal module with your giant finger. All this without the usual hassles of stinky fingers and a guilty conscience.

Oh yes, and the company has two life-sized, friendly mascots to help publicize the game -- a giant finger and a swirly brown piece of crap that looks like a soft-serve ice cream cone, both clad in pajamas. Sold on the idea of all the sexual/fecal/gastonomical imagery running rampant? Well, keep that itchy index finger steady. The company has sold only about two hundred units to date, and all in Japan -- making it an extremely limited, but legendary item since its release.

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