(Lights go down on the OMP, come up on the mainstage which is set to the BACKSTAGE. Only a vanity is onstage, and the background is a plain black curtain. JESSIE is sitting centerstage with her legs dangling off the stage, rocking back and forth. PAT is pacing.)

PAT: Have you looked outside? It’s so exciting. Your first big performance. Will you remember little old me once you’re a star?

JESSIE: (Terrified.) Ohmygod-ohmygod-ohmygod-ohmygod-ohmygod- (She continues until interrupted.)

PAT: Oh my God. You aren’t freaking out, are you?

JESSIE: (With a cracking voice.) Nooooooo? (She hears herself.) Yes. Sobs.

PAT: (Sits down next to her.) What’s up?

JESSIE: There are a million people out there.

PAT: Come on. You know that’s not true.

JESSIE: Fine. There are a billion people out there.

PAT: And you’re going to rock them.

JESSIE: I don’t sing rock.

PAT: And you’re going to soul them.

JESSIE: I don’t have a soul.

PAT: You’re going to be fine.

JESSIE: I am going to be anything but fine.

PAT: Well, if you keep thinking that, it’ll come true. Why do you think you’re not going to do well?

JESSIE: Feel my hands.

PAT: (Does so. Beat.) You’re cold.


PAT: (Deadpan.) No you’re not.


PAT: Your hands are entirely still right now -


PAT: Okay then. (Beat.) Let me try something else. You ever hear the one about the priest, the rabbi, and the girl with stage fright?

JESSIE: You know, you’re not helping.

PAT: Maybe I’m not trying to help. Maybe I want you to fail. Maybe I specifically put money on you going out there tonight and getting hit in the head by at least one tomato. What would you say to that?

JESSIE: (Looks at PAT, then back away.) Not helping.

PAT: Then tell me what would help.

JESSIE: Cancelling the show.

PAT: Tell me what would help.

JESSIE: Me dying.

PAT: Tell me what would help.

JESSIE: Anyone other than you.

PAT: Want me to call a friend to come talk to you?

JESSIE: By a friend do you mean you?

PAT: No.

JESSIE: Good. (PAT exits stage right. JESSIE screams after him.) I SAID IT’S GOOD BECAUSE I DON’T CONSIDER US FRIENDS!

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