(Lights go down on the mainstage, up on the BAR. JORDAN has quite the collection of dishes below their feet, and is constantly shifting on their stool.)

JORDAN: (Shouting.) I’m getting there! I’m getting there! I’m getting there! Keep it coming! Gimme something different!

BARISTA: Seriously, I don’t think - (Realizes something.) Sure. Coming right up.

SAWYER: I’ve got another one. What did the judge say to the skunk when he walked into the courtroom?

BARISTA: You stink.

SAWYER: Trick question -

BARISTA: (Quickly.) I wasn’t trying to guess -

SAWYER: the skunk is the judge. (Stands up, salutes, shouts. This is meant to be weird - the surrealism of the bit makes it funny.) All rise for the Honorable Judge Skunk!

(The BARISTA stares SAWYER down, picks up a drink from the bar, slowly pours it out onto SAWYER, then thuds the empty cup down onto the bar.)

BARISTA: (Very flat, terrible acting, trembling with rage underneath.) Eewps. Sorry. My fault.

TAYLOR: What do you have against our little Friday Fundays?

SAWYER: Seriously. First the war on Christmas, now the war on us. All we do is come through here, tell a few jokes, buy a few drinks, and shout “Next year in Jerusalem”. What’s so bad about that?

BARISTA: It’s that you guys suck at traditions! Your jokes are worse than the drinks - which I’m making badly on purpose - you don’t give me tips, you steal my cups, and you never leave. Also, that whole Jerusalem thing just doesn’t make sense.

TAYLOR: Are you joking? If anything, that whole Jerusalem thing is the only thing we get right.


SAWYER: Yeah, we stole that one from the Jews. If anyone knows tradition, it’s them.

BARISTA: Jewish people only say that on Passover.

SAWYER: So do we.

BARISTA: You say it every week.

SAWYER: We have no idea when Passover is.

Previous | Scene Directory | Next


Log in or register to write something here or to contact authors.