The other Superfriends tend to ridicule Aquaman, saying things like, "Oooo! I'm Aquaman, I ride a seahorse!" and "I'm Aquaman! Even Darryl Hannah from 'Splash' can stay out of the water longer than I can!" And in a way, they've got a point. I mean, even though Aquaman has shed his boyish looks and doubled his muscle mass, he's still got a hook for a hand, and he can't get his story straight on how exactly he came to be Aquaman. On top of that, he's generally regarded as an angst-ridden borderline psychotic whose own wife left him. One almost has to pity Black Manta for taking the brunt of Aquaman's personal issues.

There's also the Kordax Effect, which we won't even go into.

So why does the Justice League put up with this clown? Well, two reasons, really. First off, when Aquaman asked to join the club, it gave the Wonder Twins a valid reason to ask the adults in the JLA for a pool. Even though one of the Wonder Twins could conceiveably just become a pool, she couldn't do it permanently, and it's more than a little weird swimming around in the metamorphized molecules of your sister. The second reason is that every year, the self-proclaimed King Of Atlantis throws one hell of an Aquaman Dance Party.

The Aquaman Dance Party is THE event of the year. The Wonder Woman Invisible Jet Strip Show is a distant second. Batman's Batcave Bar-B-Que? That's bush league. Aquaman dresses the whole damned Aquacave up to the nines, and calls in the hottest scratchmasters around - last year LTJ Bukem, the Chemical Brothers, and D.J. Andy Smith all rocked the scene into the wee hours of the morning. There's music, booze, wild drug use, and crazy superhero sex.

Everybody that's everybody in the D.C. Universe is there. And I'm not talking about just Aquaman's close friends, like Vulko, Topo, and Aqualad. I'm talking about the big names: Superman. Green Lantern. Wonder Woman. Even Manhunter and the Oracle come by, and the Teen Titans usually have some hot dance number choreographed. Sure, no one WANTS the Teen Titans there, but everyone's too busy rolling to give a shit, and there's a near infinite supply of bottled water, so why not?

The place is so hot, even the bad guys try to show up. Naturally, Catwoman gets past the bouncers no questions asked, and even though she's a cocktease the rest of the gang lets it slide. Because, hey, Catwoman's pretty hot, and they just might get lucky tonight. But aside from the leather-loving Selina, it's pretty sad when the rest of the villains drop by. This one time, Darkseid dressed in drag and tried to crash the party. I mean, honestly, the guy's made of fucking rock... what was he thinking? But in the spirit of the evening they let him stay, until he got really drunk and kept badgering Aquaman to let him use the dolphins as waterskis.

All in all, it's a pretty wild night. Shazam always pulls some zany genie shit, and by night's end the ladies are begging Plasticman to do THAT trick again. When it's all over, the dolphins tow everyone's drunk carcass back to the Hall Of Justice.

And sadly, Aquaman finds himself alone again...



Nodeshell rescued.

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