So this is it
I never thought it would be so quiet. Perhaps I should be thankful.
THERE IS NO I IN TEAM
Those are the words of my hockey coach, but the voice is my own...strangely external, disembodied. I guess that makes sense. My mind is still thick but I am able to retort:
'There is no "we" in "team" either'
Perhaps I should welcome you, my unwitting witness. Perhaps the observation of the dull monotony of others is your Lot, or maybe its your Job. I can never know for you can never speak. Somehow this is something I do know.
Do you remember how you got here?
'I think I do'
I hear a click. Then without warning I am aware of only one thing. One single thing encompasses my mind. Ack!
So YOU can communicate after all. My beautiful critic strikes once more, telling me in your own special way, when I have stepped out of line, or strayed from the path.
That's right, I remember it all now. I was sat in the living room. Suffering terribly from the worst affliction. She was in the Bathroom. She makes sniffing sounds, and I don't know if she's snorting coke or weeping.. There is no inspiration. Non at all. What to do? What to node about? Maybe its true, maybe The Internet Makes You Stupid.
I stepped into the bathroom, her back was turned to me, but she can see me in the mirror, and I her. I had made the decision. I was going to be creative, I was going to 'rescue' a nodeshell. Some of these rescued nodeshells which seemingly say nothing are the highest rated in the nodegel. Perhaps, perhaps you make a light in the world and you hope someone can still look up from the dust for long enough to see it.
I don't know if you are still there observing. Perhaps you have linked away from this macabre display. Nevertheless, with or without you as a witness I begin to fill the bathtub. I dig through the toiletries next to the bath, and find a suibtable blade. This rescue is potential suicide. I carry on regardless. I watch the water from the tap slowly fil the bath. I can hear the deep echo as water hits water in a tiled room. The water from the tap is causing minature ripples in the bath water. 'Is it better to make a ripple in an ocean or a tidal wave in a bathtub?' I wonder as I leap in.
Which nodeshell are you going to resuce?
'Super UFO Control Freaks from Venus Versus the Extra-Special Tasty Mothership from Planet X'
I finally sumbit
myself to the waves of sedative seduction. Not that it doesn't hurt. The ache is a constant on the peripheral. The ache is so tight I grind my gritty teeth together to keep it from jumping out.
. She does not seem to be overly impressed. More important things on her mind.
'What are you doing?'
"You wear your ears well, true to the testament of loose fitting flesh"
, she says with an alarming tone. "I plan to do what you have failed at, but do it properly. I plan to make an excellent node on the manifold necessity of pseudorandometrically desublimated reality in the context of the absurdity of narrativity as elaborated upon in Madonna's deconstruction of capitalist subsemioticist theory in her song Material Girl"
And I fell asleep only to wake up here. In some kind of nodehell, I can see e1
nodes floating by, and I watch them in the same distracted apathy that you were once watching this. Here in nodehell, there are many sights. The honor roll
is just a myth
, nobody can hear you scream
, faces are melted with cold hands of steel, And weeping dogs row boats of flesh