I have pissed off
more than my share of people who read my nodes, which are, pretty much
, mostly about my personal life. The people I piss off are people I know IRL
. I don't know yet of any noders I've pissed off. I piss them off because maybe they didn't know what was really going on
in my life until they looked here to find the commentary. They didn't think I'd actually tell the world how many men I've had sex with
, or that I would tell the E2
community about them
I'm not saying it won't get you in trouble. But I for one am glad I have tried to stay true and honest about what I've noded here regarding my personal life, that I haven't adopted too far fetched and alternative personality so that I can keep every one happy and keep giving them the warm fuzzies.
But I don't want to pretend that my life is anything but what it is. I don't want to hide the things I'm ashamed about. This for me is a way of saying to people, "if you want to see how my mind functions, read this and if you still want to deal with me, we can talk." I've done that once or twice, told people I've met IRL to read my website or my E2 nodes and I've found it to be a great feature. They know that they may become writing fodder, and while that can be unsettling, it's better that they know up front because I am, by my definition, a writer and will end up documenting them at some point.
It is wrong for me to expect other people to be the way I am, to take the reputation risks I may take by writing as I do. But I can't help but feel a release when I do, so that if people will judge me, they can do so openly, they will have all the ammo they need; they will not have to search for or whip up ammo. I feel better knowing that I wasn't scared to put myself out there and show all my flaws, that I haven't spent most of my time creating nice little facades to distract people from seeing me in all my imperfections. It isn't for everyone. It may not be for me forever. But for now, it's something I must do.