Maybe, if I hadn't been stoned all of the time, this wouldn't have happened. Maybe, if I hadn't been drinking that night, this wouldn't have happened. Maybe, if I had been a little more considerate of the feelings of my friends, this wouldn't have happened, but it did. I can't go back and change all that now, and, in all honesty, I don't really want to.

I haven't felt this good, or this bad, in a long time. That first day, at the reptile show, it was pure elation. These things happen to other people, they don't happen at all, in fact. We sat by the stairs, and kissed, with bits of sunlight trickling through the trees. A little boy turned and stared. We hid our smeared eyeliner behind our sunglasses. We smoked my cigarettes, and kissed between drags. I held you tight, and didn't ever want to let go. I could feel your ribcage, and I could taste your wonderful flesh.

We couldn't be concerned with consequences just then. It's not that we were intentionally blocking out the inevitable difficulties, we just couldn't do it. When a moment in time is that beautiful, some piece of the human mind shuts off your worries and concerns, and just lets you enjoy it. We knew I had to prepare to DM my D&D campaign in a few hours. We knew my roommate, your girlfriend, would be home even before then. It was all in our heads somewhere, it just couldn't be accessed. Those were concerns of life and reality, we were somewhere entirely different. I was lost somewhere beyond that little orange spec in your left eye.

Does beauty always have to be this painful? I suppose it wouldn't feel this good, otherwise.

Yes, I'm noding about my personal life again.

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