Hmm, if I fuck up and go to hell, isn't Satan the guy that is going to be kicking the crap out of me for all eternity? It seems rather strange that people do all of this praying and groveling to the judge when they could just pay off the executioner.

And another thing, If you were Satan, and you wanted people to be bad, wouldn't you offer a better incentive program? I mean "Be bad so I can kick your ass forever" doesn't sound like much of an enticement to me. I bet hell has resorts and shit now; Satan is a modern sorta guy, maybe there is a tennis court and swimming pool. He should have brochures.
Al Pacino's speech at the end of The Devil's Advocate well covers a lot of the territory that moJoe describes.

For those who haven't seen it, the gist is simple. God sits on his throne on high never touching world, while Satan works everyday to tempt mankind and to teach him to be free.

After all what is God (as put forth through religion) but a set of rules? What's temptation but thinking of breaking those rules?

BTW "It seems rather strange that people do all of this praying and groveling to the judge when they could just pay off the executioner." is great -- the absolute best. Wisdom baby, yeah.

As fascinating as mcSey's Pacino-based theology* is, I am having trouble determining which of the world's religions presents God as being a set of rules. Flipping through my old college notes on the subject isn't turning up anything of the sort - perhaps he can enlighten us with some specifics.

They must be really bad rules for mcSey to resort to so drastic a measure as putting his fate in the hands of an entity that, assuming he exists in any literal sense, is generally acknowledged to be an implacable enemy of humanity.

But perhaps he's right and Satan is only misunderstood, much as fellow freedom-teaching rule breaker Charles Manson claims to be.

*Strictly speaking, Pacino is only reciting lines from screenwriters Jonathan Lemkin and Tony Gilroy's take on V.C. Andrews' ghostwriter Andrew Neiderman's novel. But "Pacino-based" has more of a ring to it, and who the hell is going to remember those other people anyway?

" I implore you all, don't bet on the dark one, it is a bet that you will never win."

Something to consider before pledging allegiance to Satan would be why Satan is where he is. Satan was an angel appalled at the thought of serving humans. Why serve those stupid monkeys, he thought, when I am a vastly superior being? God says, uh-uh, and boom! Satan is banished to hell because he refused to serve people.

Considering his exile, do you really believe that Satan would welcome those worthless excuses for creatures, the very reason he resides in the the flaming pits of hell, with open arms? He may not be able to directly strike back against God, but indirectly by torturing the stupid monkeys that God holds so dear.

Getting the insignificant creatures to worship him instead of God during their lives is just an additional slap in the face of God before the real fun begins after they die.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it is time again for your favorite television program, aired live from the spacious, soulful Beloved Bretheren Moratorium:

What would Philip K. Dick do?
WwPkDd?

I'm your host, Buster Friendly and today we are speaking with Bishop Timothy Archer. Bishop, Shouldn't we be praying to Satan?

Why yes, to quote myself from our loud and creator, Philip K. Dick:

"I see the legend of Satan in a new way. Satan desired to know God as fully as possible. The fullest knowledge would come if he became God, was himself God. He strove for this and achieved it, knowing that the punishment would be permanent exile from God. But he did it anyhow, because the memory of knowing God, really knowing him as no one else ever had or would, justified to him his eternal punishment. Now, who would you say truly loved God out of everyone who ever existed? Satan willingly accepted eternal punishment and exile just to know God--by becoming God--for an instant. Further, it occurs to me, Satan truly knew God, but perhaps God did not know or understand Satan; had He understood him, He would not have punished him. That is why it is said that Satan rebelled--which means Satan was outside of God's control, outside God's domain, as if in another universe. But Satan did I think welcome his punishment, for it was his proof to himself that he knew and loved God. Otherwise he might have done what he did for the reward... had there been a reward. 'Better to rule in hell than to serve in heaven' is an issue, here, but not the true one: which is the ultimate goal and search to know and be: fully and really to know God, in comparison to which all else is really very little.(71)"

Thank you Bishop Timothy Archer! Timothy's story is currently available on Vintage Books at a bookstore near you!

The worship of Satan is, as others have pointed out above, nonsensical. To worship Satan is to practice Satanism as inverted Christianity; the symbol of this kind of "Satanism" is the inverted cross, all of its rituals are those of Christianity perverted, The Lord's Prayer recited backwards, etc.

Satanists who have a greater agenda than rejecting their Christian upbringing practice Satanism as a way of life using Satan as a role model; that is to say, they consider their self as their focus, they seek to exalt themselves, to revel in earthly sensation, gratification, sexuality, etc. They reject the principle of subservience to God as Satan himself did. Why they choose to call this belief "Satanism" rather than "egoism" is another question.

Presumably Timothy Archer's thoughts on Satan are based on the actual ideas of Philip K. Dick's friend, Episcopal Bishop James Pike.

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