The heel came off my shoe.
I'm in no position to buy new shoes because, 1: I'm poor as dirt1; 2: Decent shoes are expensive; 3: There's practically no shoes that fit me on this benighted island anyway.
So as I limped the rest of the way to the shops and back home again (leading me to mistakenly believe the lesson for the week would be "flat soles cease to provide comfortable walking when your heel is lower than the rest of the foot") I decided it was time for superglue. I had to wad up some tape and jam it into the hole left by the heel to stick the orphaned shoe component back on just so I could go and get some glue the next day – but I got the glue in the end, and that's what matters.
So: Glue all over the heel, wedge the thing in, and hmmm… I need to make sure it bonds properly. I know! I'll put the shoe on! Yes, that will work… So I stood there for a couple of minutes, putting all my weight onto the heel, and it bonded really well to the shoe.
…And the shoe bonded really well to my foot.
The magnitude of having my plans come unstuck by meeting such a sticky end had me laughing uncontrollably. This meant I then had to explain why I was cackling madly at a volume that could be heard throughout the house, and believe me, is it ever difficult to say "I glued my shoe to my foot" with a straight face2.
Luckily for me, it was only a spot of glue, and because I freeze up in the slightest chill3 I was wearing tights – so it was easy enough to fix by simply working my finger into the shoe and pressing on the join – the fibres broke and everything was fine.
Moral of the story: Be careful with superglue, or you'll end up sticking yourself to something you don't want to – A lesson I should have already learned from watching Road Runner cartoons.
Now, what can I glue to the ceiling4?
- In fact, I'm as poor as that filthy, smelly sludge full of stones, insects and bits of twigs that the rich dirt in the good neighbourhood looks down on.
- The only thing more difficult is saying "It was the Goodyear blimp" with a straight face when you are, in fact, telling the truth.
- For example, engaging in such winter activities as "opening the fridge" makes me so cold I feel pain.
- What could possibly go wrong!?