This stuff might be useful for crowd control, or possibly state-sanctioned executions. That being said, the creation of this stuff is the suggested alternative for the angsty teen who's been mucking about with the Anarchist's Cookbook (excluding things like good parenting, liberal usage of the Clue-by-Four on the offender's head, and healthy doses of common sense.)
To form THE SLUDGE, mix the following items:
- Water. This acts as a base for your creation.
- Pudding mix. Thickens things a bit, and also feeds your
companion> friend external tumor.
- Semen. Get your mind out of the gutter. Nobody in their right mind should put your naughty bits anywhere near this stuff. Keep conditions sterile.
- Iron Oxide (Considering the length of the process, it's easiest to just use a rust succeptable container.)
- Paper. It helps if the paper has something on it. The ink thickens the solution. a bit more. The sludge has also been known to do children's homework, if it has gained sufficiant knowledge. The teacher will probably refuse to take a dripping, gooey mess, however.
- Misc. Organic materials (lunchmeat will work quite well.)
After you've has gathered the appropreate materials, it's a simple matter of waiting. Over the course of 7-8 months, the ingredients will fester. Best results are given with a covered container in a warm room. Air conditioning is bad, in this case. Occationally lift your cover to agitate the ingredients. Within the first few days, you will notice a hint of onion in the air. This is normal. A third of the way into the process, your new malady will smell something like the hairy, sweaty armpits of the 101stAirborn. Go find something to amuse yourself, and buy a surplus gas mask while you're at it.
Any vomit you or your assistants (you do have assistants, right?) produce can be added to the mix. This helps the o
You may wonder why you would want to create such a foul-smelling ooze. Ergo, I provide some uses for The Sludge.
- Raise the dead, human or otherwise.
- In sufficiant quantities, The Sludge will become self-aware, allowing you to use it as a Godzilla-like minion, wreaking havoc. This is facilitated by the semen in the mix. For best results, try to collect genetic material from several organisims. Mix plants and animals for greater variety. The hard part is brewing something with the corrosive power of a sandblaster on a soup cracker unnoticed.
- Paint thinner
- Untested:If injected directly into the bloodstream, a wild ride should ensue, though it is not known how long the effects will last, or wether the
ginuea pig vollunteer will survive.
- This stuff will kick the pants off anything Billy Mays sells.
Disposal: Piggyback on nuclear waste shipments to Yucca Mountain, unless you wish to attract the ever-watching eye of the EPA when the eco-system in your area suddenly degrades.
Sensible people don't do this, mainly because it is likely to fail. Lewd Chemistry assumes no responsibility for your excess of spare time.