::received 11/10/2002 12:19:43::from CODE outpost 437/8::
::: TRANSMISSION BEGINS :::
I don't know how it happened.. not much time..
The piercisms generator seemed so simple.. I had no idea what was in store for me. I wanted to make something that would make people laugh.. something that would sound like thefez, but was complet-
[static]
-simple, really.. A couple thousand Ming-Mecha quantum computers in parallel would provide the computation power it needed, and it would read all the nodes and nodeshells that thefez had ever written or been mentioned in.. SPIDERS WITH HUMAN HEADS!, Everything 2 Civil War, blueberry motherfuckers, GIANT MECHANICAL SPIDERS, thefez may be an ape but he does not know sign language and we certainly do not trust him with kittens, Everything 3, I LIKE TO BE HAPPY!, SOY! SOY! SO-,
[garbled]
-essful, but it still didn't seem human, until someone came up with the idea of using biolo-
[static]
-ed dolphin brains - filtering the computers' output through their language centers seemed to approximate the proper neural activity.. So we turned it on, and nothing happened for about 15 minutes.. and then it spoke. If only we had known then what we now know about thefez.. I knew he had some powerful friends but Sweet singing SHIT, we were totally unprep-
[static, explosions in distance]
-onsuming the souls of all the ninjas in the process, which we thought was good until thefez himself walked in, flanked by Shub-Niggurath and Richard Nixon, all three smiling like the cheshire cat with razorblades for teeth. I tried to bargain with him. He laughed, saying "The secret to happiness is a sock in the mouth from THEFEZ!" And then, I guess, he showed me the secret to happiness, because I don't remember much after that, except the smell of sulphur and blood..
When I came to, I was sitting naked in the snow, outside the facility, which was a burning wreck.. I still can't feel my legs. I hope i'm just seeing things, but I keep seeing what looks like a goat skull with spider legs in the shadows.
This will probably be my last transmission. Consider the project a failure.
[name deleted], over and out.
::: END TRANSMISSION :::