::received 11/10/2002 12:19:43::from CODE outpost 437/8::

I don't know how it happened.. not much time..

The piercisms generator seemed so simple.. I had no idea what was in store for me. I wanted to make something that would make people laugh.. something that would sound like thefez, but was complet-


-simple, really.. A couple thousand Ming-Mecha quantum computers in parallel would provide the computation power it needed, and it would read all the nodes and nodeshells that thefez had ever written or been mentioned in.. SPIDERS WITH HUMAN HEADS!, Everything 2 Civil War, blueberry motherfuckers, GIANT MECHANICAL SPIDERS, thefez may be an ape but he does not know sign language and we certainly do not trust him with kittens, Everything 3, I LIKE TO BE HAPPY!, SOY! SOY! SO-,


-essful, but it still didn't seem human, until someone came up with the idea of using biolo-


-ed dolphin brains - filtering the computers' output through their language centers seemed to approximate the proper neural activity.. So we turned it on, and nothing happened for about 15 minutes.. and then it spoke. If only we had known then what we now know about thefez.. I knew he had some powerful friends but Sweet singing SHIT, we were totally unprep-

[static, explosions in distance]

-onsuming the souls of all the ninjas in the process, which we thought was good until thefez himself walked in, flanked by Shub-Niggurath and Richard Nixon, all three smiling like the cheshire cat with razorblades for teeth. I tried to bargain with him. He laughed, saying "The secret to happiness is a sock in the mouth from THEFEZ!" And then, I guess, he showed me the secret to happiness, because I don't remember much after that, except the smell of sulphur and blood..

When I came to, I was sitting naked in the snow, outside the facility, which was a burning wreck.. I still can't feel my legs. I hope i'm just seeing things, but I keep seeing what looks like a goat skull with spider legs in the shadows.

This will probably be my last transmission. Consider the project a failure.

[name deleted], over and out.


Log: DEC12-14521 CE

We ventured deeper into the cavern. I believe that what we saw, no mortal eyes were meant to see.

Buildings, all futuristic concrete and iron structures, held mostly intact. So many of them, stretching for kilometres around! But yet a feeling of lonlieness loomed in the air like fog. This lost civiliation, what wonders could be found from thee! Only the gradiose of the capital could come close to the immensity of this place. Being the only one from our team who has been permitted to enter the capital, I was not as overwhelmed as some of the other members. Jonhes had to be evacuated, he was hysterical. I kept my composure, barely. Half of me wanted to flee back to the familiarity of the surface above, the other half wanted to flee into the darkness ahead.

Just run.


Log: DEC13-14521 CE

A sign! We found the name for this place. HOLLAND MIUSA. The great citizens of Holland Miusa, who had dreams, hopes, ambitions. All shattered by something terrible that happened so long ago.

The venture continued through Holland Miusa. We traveled on a long stretch of concrete, raised above the floor of the cavern below. There were signs, or skeletons of signs along the pathway. A few metal creatures, like insects, were found along the sides of the pathway. They were large, mostly hollow, and appeared to be covered with some type of oxide residue. Roberts suggested that these "insects" (not insects, as we rationalized, as no native life to the earth was ever comprised mostly of metal) served as modes of transportation, and the pathway we were on was a conduit for these "insects".

We continued on, until we reached what must have been the nucleus of the city. Inside, we found a terminal and control device. We had seen several of these before, but what when I saw this one, I couldn't keep my composure. So out of place in this dead city it was, that I ran. My crew followed me, until we reached a place about half a kilometre from the nucleus.

The terminal was nothing new, it merely looked as though it was a more primitive model of those I had seen while in the capital, and in the homes of some of the wealthier citizens outside the capital.

What was wrong with the terminal was one minor detail.

It had power.

In this dead city, from a civiliation 10 millenia ago, an artifact exists that not only relied on electricity, but was being supplied enough to be active.

None of us slept that night.

Log: DEC14.0200-14521 CE

At about 0200, we regained enough courage to approach the terminal. As I was the only one who had sufficient training operating various computerized terminals, I was the one responsible for gathering any information from this one.

I didn't want to be here.

My home was above, 500 kilometres up. I missed my wife and my child, oh how I wanted to be with them right now. Nestled in her arms.

For the first time in my life, I felt true fear. There was no tangible evidence of anything dangerous in the region. But something hung in the air. Whatever killed off this magnificient civiliation left something behind. An aura of fear, of dread. It was out there, watching, waiting. I wanted to run, to hide, in some deserted child's bedroom, and pray. Pray for death to take me before whatever was out there took me instead.

But I didn't have a choice.

The terminal had a device with a multitude of buttons. I could read all of the letters clearly, there was a light shining from beneath each one.

Summoning all of my reserves, I pressed a key, and recoiled, regretting what I had just done.

The screen flickered to life. We saw this, captured its image on camera, and ran. Whatever it was, there was no way we could study it down there. There was no fucking possible way we could study it down there. We didn't stop until we reached the excavation elevator. We didn't stop until we were on topsoil once again, and could see the rays of the sun peeking from over the horizon.

We knew we'd be court marshalled for not completeing our mission, but we didn't care. Nothing could ever cause us to go back down there.


This is what the opcam caught:


I've been researching the fezisms generator. Like the piercisms generator, the algorithm seems pretty durned simple.

Take one phrase from group 1, and a phrase from group 2 or 3, or two phrases, one from 2 and one from 3. Add random piece of punctuation, with a frequency of 50% (!), 3% (?), and 47% blank ( ). Feel free to add any titles to each group.

title one:

  • I LIKE
title two:
title three:
  • SOY

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