"Would you mind trimming your toe-nails first? This quilt is a hundred years old."

Girls ask more questions than boys. This is not because they don't know the answers. It's like those software-based employment tests--they want to see how much time you need to think about your answers.

"Do you like (insert her best friend's name here)?"
"Do you like cottage cheese?"
"Do you like children?"
"Is my butt too big?"
"Am I 'cute'?"

You may not want to hear these questions but, if your answers are inept, you'll hear things even less delightful:

"We need to talk, first..."

or, worse,

"I changed my mind."

...That's one you won't hear too often from a boy! But let's say that you've negotiated the labyrinth perfectly, leaving bread-crumbs along the way so that you can remember what you said in the morning. The dilligently-sought treasure is before you--you have only to reach out your hand to touch it.....and her hand moves yours away. There's one more thing you don't want to hear--but will, sooner or later, if you sleep around enough:

"I can't do it that way. That's how I was raped."

Deal with it. If you hear this, it means that she trusts you to hear it; don't let her down by insisting or being petulant. She may want to talk about it, but probably not now. Be grateful for honesty; honesty is sexy--even the kind that hurts will seem good when you're too old to fuck anymore.

"You told me again you preferred handsome men, but for me you would make an exception."

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