I only think this because despite my attraction to fuckups, I've actually had run ins with decent guys who wanted to date me. Because I tend to think that I am screwed up, I expect only screwed up guys to go for me. Despite my fatalism, decent guys now and then get caught in my trap.

They try to read me based on what I say, try to understand how to approach me, only to find out that I am a mass of contradictions. I say I am independent and often can't accept being treated on a date but at the same time I hold dear to a lot of old fashioned traits that include being treated. With me it's either an issue of pride or of fairness in our modern times.

I often swear, tell dirty jokes, belch, make sexual innuendos to men I am comfortable with and at other times the decent guy will find me acting a completely different way in more professional settings. I had one decent guy flip through my CD collection and state that I had now completely confused him, that he didn't know what to make of me. That could be just as easy as how I dress, how I live, how I function.

Poor bastards.

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