"he says all the right things, at exactly the right times
but he means nothing to you,
and you don't know why"
Four years of distance have given me some objectivity and less painful attachment. I can see now that she wouldn't have known a good thing if he had slapped her across the face. After 5 months of long serious discussions over coffee and Oreos it became clear that she had done the math and it went like this:
nice guys were kind to her
nice guys were boring
mean/surly guys either ignored or were mean to her
m/s guys were rarely boring
She wanted to be with m/s guys.
Why it took me a while to figure out it was not my fault was my fault.
Since when did I need to go window shopping for victims?? Is that a recreational sport?
Now, with both time and distance to help me focus I can see how short sighted we both were. If she would tell me honestly that she was "sorta warped" and if I could point blank her she was "your own worst enemy" without getting an argument it should have been clear. But it wasn't.
Now, and in the future, if someone tells me about their desire to create drama, or at the very least their need for recurring painful relationships I just smile and take two steps backward, slowly.
If you want to be your own worst enemy, do it by yourself, I don't have to watch. In my book masochism ain't no spectator sport.