I thread lightly on troubled waters, and stir new waves towards the shore. The cold water makes my leg hair stick to my calf, while making my toes white from cold. I kneel, placing my hands out into the sand. I feel the grains entering the crevasses underneath my fingernails. I raise my hands off the sands, only to see the marks left by my hands to be washed off by the waves. I lie back and let the wave crash against my body. My face feels the cold, while my nose detects the invasion of water. I try to get up but I can't. I no longer have the ability to stand and fight against the current. I can't stand the rain
The end of the day was composed of a phone call but a short one at that. I sat here, contemplating on the upcoming day and what would happen. I gripped the container for my pills, and slowly take out two Ativan
. Little buggers. Don't really work but can't get anything else until my doctor comes back from vacation. I then sat here, noding. I got up, only to go outside again, into the balcony. That is my sanctum, where my mind wanders and feels its contact with nature. Where my mind feels truly at ease, even in the coldest of winters, or the hottest of summers. With my red spiked hair, my reflection looks like a flaming ghost of my own image. I turn my back to the window, only to look over the rail. I breathe deeply, as my acrophobia
begins to kick in. Quietly, I wipe my feet on my plastic blanket and come back inside.
I lie down, with the tv on. Animal Crackers
gives me a few laughs, especially Eugene. As the sleep timer on the tv shut down the equipment, I stared at the ceiling for a few hours. I guess I fell into a waking sleep, where the mind is not conscious but the eyes are still open. The eyelids fell heavy after a while, and I woke as a result. I tossed, I kicked around for a while, trying to find that prime spot
to sleep. Finally, I start doing pushups until I drop dead from exhaustion...
. The phone rings. Its the house phone, not the cell. Wait. Its a double ring. Someone is at my house. I pick up drowsily, and let her up. I open the door, and she hugs me. I slowly blink, put on my glasses, and groggily move to the washroom to brush my teeth. She watches me as she talks to me at the same time. She talks to me while I change, and this whole time I didn't even notice until she was there. She grabs my arm as I look for my wallet and my keys. I place my shoes on my feet and we leave for the door. She wanted to surprise me, since we haven't seen each other for so long. We go out for some teriyaki
, then play some Photo Hunt
. All this time, I'm always in physical contact and we're always talking so time passed quickly, and more importantly, pleasantly. She asked me to go over to her house to study, but I couldn't as I might have to pick up my sister (In which I didn't). Well, back to my melancholy self.
I log onto E2
quickly and then take a nap. I asked MrFurious
to wake me but I thought that he would forget so I alarmed just in case. Besides, I was bothering him at work so I didn't mind if he didn't tell me thats all. After an hour, I start getting ready for work. On my way down, I decide that I'm going to listen to mellow music during the ride to work so New Edition
it is. One More Day
and Still In Love With You
plays in the background while the ride to work. I get out of the car and slowly walk inside. I didn't gel my hair today so they could actually really really notice the red hair. Some complimented it, some snickered. I don't remember who did who so they're lucky or a punch would have been the next answer.
Work was boring but at least it was easy. Just a lot of paperwork
. I did see my friend Joanne
though. That was a very pleasant surprise as she's pretty cute. I get home, and I sit around for a while. Ring
. My friend calls me. I had something to do at the time so I told her to call me at a later time. Since my sister was on my spot, taking the computer, I stood outside my balcony.
It was particularly cold tonight, but with no breeze, and a shallow mist. I could detect the moisture in the air with every breath I take and it was terrifically refreshing. I sat out there, with my jacket on and staring out at the sky. It wasn't particularly clear but at least the clouds were a nice light blue. Just enough of the moonlight shone through. I lean back, with my head against the stucco wall, and start to relax. I slip inside the house, only to bring out my radio and my recently burned korean music cd. I sat out there for a few hours listening to Baby VOX
, Fly to the Sky
. I don't understand the words but the melody is carried through the night beautifully. I adjust the treble and lower the volume and it became music that dictated a beautiful harmonic mood. Again,I sat there, thinking, dreaming, hoping to fall asleep in the gentle embrace of the cold darkness. But I eventually came back inside, only to see that everyone has slept.
My cell phone vibrates. Its my sweet lady friend. We speak for a while, even during my game of Brood War
. Afterwards, she leaves as she has a final early tomorrow morning. Once again, I'm left here in the dark with my beautiful melodies, and my thoughts. That scares me more than the darkness.
The melody plays again in my mind, like the memories wash over me like a tidal wave. It becomes part of my mind, calming me, reminding me of the present and the little things that makes life precious. Such simple little notes, and simple melodies have calmed me down, in a way that even my prescription drugs
have not been able to do so. I sit here now, dreaming of her. I can't get her out of my mind. Its the shrouded darkness in the form of a woman that taunts me to find her or find her identity. My heart yearns for her yet I do not know where to start. Let my mind decide where my heart cannot, and let my instinct take over when my mind falters
. The night is now almost at an end, and I take my leave. The darkness calls, and I cannot do anything but heed its call. Let my soul be able to handle the darkness. Let this be the end of this day, only to become the beginning of a brand new day...
Dream not so sweetly and look for me for I will only be found in your nightmares. Dream dark, dream deep, for I will be there waiting. Speak no more, listen well. I will whisper to you...