The gestational sac was empty
The baby quit developing at 5 weeks. I'm supposed to be 8 weeks pregnant, so I'm not carrying a live fetus inside me anymore. I was afraid of this. I hadn't felt pregnant, hadn't needed extra sleep, hadn't had cravings and morning sickness, hadn't felt the glow and the wonder. I tried not to accept what I knew in my heart was true, but the ultrasound yesterday confirmed my fears. I'm not having a baby anymore.
From the very start, this has been an entire family thing. (Well...maybe not the VERY start.(: ) My daughter helped me take the pregnancy test, and the two kids were in on all the discussions of how this would be. So they went to the midwife appointment with me yesterday, and they shared in the emotions of dealing with the news yesterday. We all felt a mixture of sadness, relief, and numbness. I'm sure more feelings will surface, especially when the actual miscarriage takes place and hormones start running rampant in me.
Now I wait. I know that within the next week or so I will experience 8 hours of severe cramping and pain. I know the remains of what was once a developing child will pass out of me, and it will hurt in many ways. I know that the actual passing will mark the end of something in my life.
Waiting is so hard.