Boys and girls, today's lesson is:

Don't piss off The Man.

When The Man gets pissed off, The Man does mean things.

Yesterday I got a very angry-looking letter from the Oregon Department of Motor Vehicles. Upon opening the letter, I discovered that I have had an appointment scheduled with a driving improvement counselor on October 3rd. If I miss the appointment, my license will be suspended. If I reschedule the appointment, my license will be suspended. If the counselor doesn't like the way I smell, my license will be suspended.

All of this because I received two speeding tickets: one for doing 84mph in a 55 zone (at 2am, with no other cars in sight, save for the police officer who was hiding behind some bushes), and another for doing 38 in a 25. Despite the fact that, aside from those two tickets, I have a perfect driving record, the DMV apparently thinks I am a menace to society and deserve to be removed from the roadways.

This infuriates me for two reasons:

  1. I am a better driver than everyone I know.
  2. Nearly everyone I know drives like a retard.