I...

...am going to be sick.

Last April I began dating someone, we'll refer to him as Asshole, who I stupidly believed to be 24. At fifteen, this probably wasn't a good idea to begin with... but I was really stupid and immature. I still am. Anyway... the relationship lasted about eight months and was full of abuse, emotional and sexual. Since the end of that nightmare that I barely escaped from with my sanity, I've found that I am very much affected. I cannot bear to be in a relationship with someone who actually treats me right. I feel too worthless to be actually cared for. I'm starting therapy now, on the recommendation of someone I broke up with because of my problems. Bryan didn't tell me to see someone in anger though, he realized that I did need help, and I do.

Jumping to a few days ago, an old friend left a comment on my myspace asking me if I'd heard the good news. I wasn't sure what the 'good news' was, and didn't think it was related to the next coming of Jesus so I finally got in touch with him this evening. As it turns out, Asshole was not 24. He is 38. I don't know why I believed him to be 24, maybe because I know a few young people with thinning hair so I believed him when he said it was genetic. He had recently had "sexual relations with a girl not of proper age" and is in jail for 15-20 years. The girl was also 15.

I don't know how I feel about this. I'm seeing a therapist because of this monster and can't maintain healthy relationships. Then again, fifteen years is a very long time. He'll be in his 50s by the time he is out. Does he deserve this? I've never been a big fan of prisons. I don't really think it is moral for someone else to take away a person's freedom. I know it isn't a rational thing to keep murderers and rapists loose, but this is something I really don't know about. I wish it were easier. I wish I knew what to feel. I'm so confused right now.

P.S. While writing this I was informed that my elderly great-grandmother is in the emergency room again. This is not going to be a good evening.