CHRISTIAN, n. One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.
           I dreamed I stood upon a hill, and, lo!
           The godly multitudes walked to and fro
           Beneath, in Sabbath garments fitly clad,
           With pious mien, appropriately sad,
           While all the church bells made a solemn din --
           A fire-alarm to those who lived in sin.
           Then saw I gazing thoughtfully below,
           With tranquil face, upon that holy show
           A tall, spare figure in a robe of white,
           Whose eyes diffused a melancholy light.
           "God keep you, strange," I exclaimed.  "You are
           No doubt (your habit shows it) from afar;
           And yet I entertain the hope that you,
           Like these good people, are a Christian too."
           He raised his eyes and with a look so stern
           It made me with a thousand blushes burn
           Replied -- his manner with disdain was spiced:
           "What!  I a Christian?  No, indeed!  I'm Christ."

(Definition from The Devil's Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce)