Why does anyone choose to enter monogamous relationships? I had a monogamous relationship once. I don't think I chose explictly to be monogamous, it just fell into place. It was what was expected.

I think many people "choose" monogamy for the same reason many people "choose" heterosexuality... because everyone else is doing it! Not because there is a recongnition that this is a good choice, or the best way to organize sexual life or whom one plays with.

But how does one change this? The first step is recognising that what you're doing (heterosex, monogamy) is infact a choice! Often this step is combined with discovering alternate methods of existance.

The second step is learning about all the alternate choices. And the third is actually carrying out a concious choice to live differently than what is "default".

I unconciously choose to have a monogamous relationship, but no more.

A response to Jaez... I do not see compelling argumentation that monogamy is the ethical choice. I would like to seperate and say that "ethical choice" does NOT equal "culturally acceptible choice". They are seperate things, and people often confuse the two. I don't see any fundemental compelling reason why we have to feel jealous. Infact I submit that we don't need to feel jealous and its culturally conditioned behaviour.

I agree that relationships require trust and loyality, but I disagree that implys sexual exclusivity. You say that its better to be emotionally dependent on one, I say its better to be emotionally dependent on many. So if one is also needy, you do not have the problem of falling on deaf ears.

And a final note... while we may have monogamous instincts (but this is not necessarly proven, many cultures have extended support families, multiple marrages, multiple sex partners, etc), I think that as a human being, I can overcome and control my instincts and not let them control me. That is what it means to be human, making concious choices at every step.

For those who are interested in more, try reading The Ethical Slut. And no those two words are not contradicting.