Why My Hair is Long

Getting a haircut for me is like going to the car wash. I know I should, it’s good for me, I’ll look much better, but it’s such a chore... it’s just going to grow out again... what’s the point, really? It doesn’t look that bad and I have no idea what kind of haircut to get.

That last excuse is by far my most vexing. I pore over magazines and fashion ads. I look at my trendy friends, evaluating the shape of a face, the texture of hair... the all over look.

Am I a short hair person? That’d be such a change. Everyone will stare. I don’t know if I can take the attention. Besides, what would I do with all my shampoo and conditioner and various creams and itchy scalp unguents... not to mention myriad clips, bands, and pointy things for buns?

I also hate sitting in the chair with whatever stylist deigns to lay hands on my head peering over me. Always looking at me in stern judgment. I feel like I’m at confession.

"Bless me, stylist, for I have sinned.
It has been 8 months since my last haircut.
In this time, I have blow-dried 200 times.
I have put my hair in a ponytail while still wet 7 times.
I have been in a convertible with the top down 11 times... no, (shake head in shame) there was no scarf.
I have used cheap, supermarket conditioner instead of the premium brand you sell here in your salon."

The Stylist gives me a sneer and a long lecture about the damage of wind and the sun and cheap ponytail holders. And all the while, People around me are sitting, knowing what they want, chatting it up, happily being primped and massaged, so very fashion-aware. And they look so good.

Maybe I should just do it myself.