Okay, this is primarily aimed at the fellas, as I don't know what happens in the women's bathroom at work. First, don't look towards another guy's penis when you are both standing at the urinal. Keep your eyes in front of you. don't make eye contact until you are both leaving to wash your hands. This brings up another good point always wash your hands after using the bathroom. No one is particularly interested in getting better acquainted with your smegma, or, even worse, fecal matter. Believe you me, people notice who does not wash hands. I know people who don't even wash after taking a dump. Disgusting.

This provides a nice segue to my final topic. One of the most difficult things to do is to have a squat at work. Always use the seat protector. Try to time your appointment immediately after the cleaning staff hits the bathroom. Try to ignore the explosive, gaseous sounds coming from the other stalls. If everyone observes this, embarrasing encounters may be avoided. At all costs DO NOT START A CONVERSATION WITH ANYONE, ESPECIALLY SOMEONE IN ANOTHER STALL. I think the most annoying event I ever had at work was when I went to the bathroom, sat down, and a co-worker came in right after me and sat down in the stall next to me. This was a Friday, and he just decided, out of the blue, to strike of a conversation:

Him: So, what cha doin' this weekend?
Mefeeling a bit uncomfortable, and interrupted: Umm . . . nothing . . .
Him: Some of my friends and I are going to Masquerade tonight. Wanna go?
Me: Uhh . . . I think I'm going to hang out with my cousins. Thanks anyway.


Trust me, you have a captive audience on the toilet, but not one who will wish to see you much in the future. Save the convo for a better time.

Wash those hands!!