It's nothing new. I feel like I can't breathe
, and in some ways I can't stand it, but in others I'm loving it. Too many people, and too many fears, and too many thoughts
. Everything I want to talk about, everyone I want to give words to, they're here now. And my words
are stuck, and I can't pull them out, and I can't write.
I wish I had the courage to. I keep trying to say something
and it's stuck and it won't come out. It's a struggle
just to write a damn daylog. My hands are clenching. And my throat hurts. Dammit.
I had an anxiety attack
last night. I started getting pretty awful anxiety attacks a few years ago, where my chest would hurt and I thought I was having a heart attack or something. But I've been able to control them. I've always had this horrible problem with anxiety, where it used to be difficult to even walk through a crowd
of people. But I had one last night, and it wasn't fun.
Been avoiding things. Not really. Just been enjoying not doing anything. It's not that I haven't been doing things. I don't even know. Because I can't talk