Something snapped in me today. Falling apart, I didn't care. I was hurting. I am hurting. And I don't know why. I just needed to lash out at something, and now it's broken, and I don't have any glue? I stopped finding comfort in such things, and now I only wish for it back, because I'm in the dark. Hurting people because it makes my hurt less, being mean because it feels better than sadness. I see myself falling backwards, but I only laugh a little and watch. Pretending it will be okay when I go out tonight to get drunk.

It's been coming for a while. Thinking it's all okay and it's only been hiding deep inside me, and now it's out, and I haven't changed at all.