has proven to me that I have absolutely no self-control
whatsoever. I decided I was not going to take ecstasy
at the Paul Oakenfold
show on Friday night for several reasons, one being my mental health
, two being my physical health, and three, what was the point of it anyway? Then of course I got with my friends and they were all going to be rolling and were like, "Come on Christ
!" and so I took a pill and rolled my brains out. I'm actually kind of glad I did it, I feel better than I did about things before I rolled, and the concert/rave was incredible, I danced my ass off and felt at one with the crowd
and the universe
around me. Yay, drugs
. But still, I need to have more self-control.
Saturday I woke up, and headed to the computer lab to work on a data structures project. Yay, programming. I was getting really frustrated because my compiler was convinced that b==r, I couldn't stand it, and I went over to a friend's house. The friend who I made a pact with, that if things ever started to head in a "more than just friends direction" we would put a stop to it, put some space between us, whatever.
It didn't work, the pact was broken. I could have stopped things when I realized they were going where they shouldn't be, but I was having fun torturing the boy with my presence. I'm evil, I know. I almost feel bad about this, when I saw how guilty he was later...knowing that I could have stopped, but didn't for my own sadistic pleasure.
But it's not like he didn't deserve it. At least he realizes that I deserve better.