interviews end, that part of the shit is all over.. i go downstairs to registration to get the sticker that lets me ride the bus for free. my name's not on the list. they send me to student accounts when i tell them i didn't write a check, but used a scholarship to pay this quarter's tuition. the woman at student accounts brings up a screen that i more or less ignore. she says i owe money, and as my mind is thinking wait, huh? she's continuing.

you've been disenrolled.

i'm exhausted, i'm brain dead, i'm hungry and almost out of cigarettes. i came downstairs expecting easy bounty and good things. and classes start on monday and i don't have one. in short, i am unprepared to deal with the situation abruptly presented to me. i repeat her words. she shows me a screen, and there is my little scholarship neatly distributed across three quarters. my scholarship is enough to pay two quarters of tuition. i tell her i need her to move the money. the paperwork for my loan got lost in a chain of forwarding addresses over the summer while i moved around. i can write a check, but rent is due in less than a week. i need the money in my account for this quarter. she apologizes over and over and i feel like i'm back in a role play, interviewing some kid who never learned much about customer service. but it's not really a customer service situation. nevertheless, i try to make it one:

'please, you have to understand.. i need the scholarship now. i was not told that it would be distributed like this. this is not my fault. i need you to fix it.'

and i feel like i'm in a bad dream, playing the problem user, except i really am the problem user and i don't mean to be but i'm close to tears because it's not fair. i know it's my responsibility to check, to make sure things are copacetic and all systems are go and i'm in the class and i have the books and know where to go on the first day. but please, please.. i've been upstairs in a classroom for the last four days. i haven't checked email, i haven't washed my hair, i haven't deposited my paycheck or done the dishes.

sorry, sorry, nothing she can do. i have to go to registration, it's not the college's policy, it's the scholarship's terms. and at registration, the class is full. my spot went to someone on the waiting list. i have to find the faculty. sorry, sorry..

i was proud, though, because after everything i was well beyond my breaking point and i felt hopeless and stupid and small, but i didn't cry. i took care of what i could, went on to my boss', got my friend a job.. came home and wondered what the hell is going on and what to do about it.

also, the computer center got all screwed up, though it seems to be fixed now. and the new exchange server is still making our lives hell. plus i finally checked work email, and the faculty are all whining about the police here carrying guns. the cops are good folks. they don't seem to have any sort of power issues that would make it dangerous for them to be armed. one went to the trouble of coming to my dorm room to find out if a bottle of pop left on my car was mine and if i wanted it.
but it turns out that i am magically back in c&c (my class) and owe 0 dollars. huh? idiots.