i had not forgotten; i was not mistaken. i really do loathe california. i've been in san francisco for only two days, but i'm well beyond ready to go home. the weather makes my throat dry and my eyes puffy. the people make me want to commit random violent acts, particularly focused on those with suv's and cellphones, or worse, both at once. i don't want to live in a plastic culture. i want to go home, where people are pretensious, but at least somewhat diy about it. this place makes me feel dirty.

my mom is a big part of my hatred for this state. watching her drive just kills me. i want to beat every person who cut her off today, or almost ran into her because they never bothered to check the other lane prior to switching. all the jackasses who double park, the self-important jaywalking pedestrians with tidy business suits and cute nokias.. die, die, die. i'm a big ball of pissed-offedness.

on the upside, i've found some things to do with myself for the next two weeks. i'm going to do some filing for my mom's boss, maybe, make some money, go buy interesting vintage things i can't get my hands on in little old oly. there's a krk ryden show in the mission i'm going to see. sunday i've got my choice of concerts: holly golightly, which is safe, or a bunch of punk bands i've never heard of for the same cover, but with free pizza. tough to decide. my little cousin is coming up to san francisco over the weekend, and i'm supposedly taking him skateboarding, which makes me feel good. last trip down, i bought him a studded bracelet. i enjoy pandering to his counter-culture leanings. and, praise the lord, i've been loaned a shitty imac with a shittier aol dialup connection. better than nothing, though.

i'm changing my mind about the appeal of seattle. i don't know that i would be happy in a soulless big city, full of competition and trendiness and absurb obsessions with daily dramas that could be solved so easily by moving elsewhere. berkeley suprised me. i actually enjoyed it. it has the character i suppose sf used to have (now it seems like it's been sort of taken over by the emp revisionist mentality, making the sixties and seventies more than they were..). i could live there, take the bart to work? suddendly i wish i could stay a small town girl. i could forget the computer thing, go back to retail. maybe i was wrong. maybe i can't take a city. i certainly can't stand this one.