These are true ways to fuck up a kid. Not flashy or funny but frighteningly real. All but one of these have happened to myself. All I can say for myself is that I rebelled.

  1. Tell your son how he should have been a girl with the hair and eyelashes he has. Then give him a gender neutral name that is more often used as a girls name like Leigh Noel. Limit masculine influences in his life and teach him to cook, sew, clean and enjoy musicals.
  2. Tell your kids that you love their grandkids more than they ever loved you
  3. Cry everyday so that the kid feels that they learn when you make your own mother cry you know you've fucked up
  4. Always end your praise of your kid accomplishments with BUT...
  5. Punish your kids for looking guilty just in case even when you know they haven't done anything wrong
  6. Enforce a rapidly changing set of standards and rules and backup your reasons with because I'm your mother
  7. Give them a book about sex education and then say, "Please don't ask questions."
  8. Never respect their point of view.
  9. Punish them for your mistakes.
  10. Have kids because you want someone to love you.