I'm afraid it must be done.
I have tried and tried to be fair but you all abused
it (yes, you too).
no one is allowed to disagree with me about anything.
This rule is retroactive
, all prior offenders shall strip down to their skivvies
and give themselves up as a prisoner of circumstance
at the nearest detention center
. Any prior offenders who try to hide and must be hunted down by my elite ninja Death Borg squad
shall face far more rigid penalties (such as serving the rest of their short lives as a gladiator in the Jell-O pits
Conspiring to disagree with me, while insubstantial and vague
, shall be met with the same swift justice as the actual offense.
If you find yourself seriously contemplating
disagreeing with me yet have not done so there is still hope! If you pick up your phone and dial our crisis line, a trained counselor will walk you through some meditation
steps topped with a healthy dob of brilliantly crafted propaganda
. If you still feel tempted to speak ill of my opinions, the counselor will send down a wagon to collect you.
I hear the gardens at the rehabilitation
center are nice in the spring (though I have not yet had a chance to visit the facility
myself) and have been assured that the friendly staff will make certain that your shock therapy and JMIT (Jujitsu mediation and intervention therapy
) as comfortable and quick as possible.
Rest assured, you will be returned to your duties in the mines in no time. All time spent in therapy will come out of your food rations
but your dig supervisor will be notified and given an official letter excusing you from the mines for the duration of your treatment
(don't worry, no lashes!).
Thank you for listening O' loyal patriot
That is all.