I'm afraid it must be done.
I have tried and tried to be fair but you all
abused it (yes, you too).
Henceforth no one is allowed to disagree with me about anything.
Ever.
Period.
This rule is
retroactive, all prior offenders shall strip down to their
skivvies and give themselves up as
a prisoner of circumstance at the nearest
detention center. Any prior offenders who try to hide and must be hunted down by my
elite ninja Death Borg squad shall face far more rigid penalties (such as serving the rest of their short lives as a gladiator in
the Jell-O pits).
Conspiring to disagree with me, while
insubstantial and vague, shall be met with the same swift justice as the actual offense.
If you find yourself seriously
contemplating disagreeing with me yet have not done so there is still hope! If you pick up your phone and dial our crisis line, a trained counselor will walk you through some
meditation steps topped with a healthy dob of
brilliantly crafted propaganda. If you still feel tempted to speak ill of my opinions, the counselor will send down a wagon to collect you.
I hear the gardens at the
rehabilitation center are nice in the spring (though I have not yet had a chance to visit the
facility myself) and have been assured that the friendly staff will make certain that your shock therapy and JMIT (
Jujitsu mediation and intervention therapy) as comfortable and quick as possible.
Rest assured, you will be returned to your duties in the mines in no time. All time spent in therapy will come out of your
food rations but your dig supervisor will be notified and given an official letter excusing you from the mines for the duration of your
treatment (don't worry, no lashes!).
Thank you for listening O' loyal
patriot.
That is all.