It's a mad
mad world. There are no happy endings for me tonight... Today?
feh -- this morning (
2:23 A.M).
I don't get it... I breath, I eat, I walk about as though I'm alive -- but the truth? Well, the truth is I'm already dead. All such a simple coincidence. I just happened to bump into her one day. It’s not as easy to “bump out” of someone’s life. It's these tight corners of life that make it most beautiful.
My eyes dart beyond the illuminated monitor through the slit/slanted blinds. "What are you looking for?" It's never there... she's never there. Every time the ice machine shifts, or a glimmer of street lamplight catches my eye appropriately -- it sounds like a door slamming, or a set of headlights rounding the cul-de-sac to park on my curb. Every time I look up, a rush of hope runs up my spine, sweats my forehead, and squeezes my heart.
Everyone likes to believe their story is a little different. There's some strange twist, or divine circumstance... it's not the same old "lost love" story -- but in reality, it is. It only seems different because it's happening to them.
I am no exception. I believe this to be the grandest romance ever conceived, and that she, Danielle, is the one for whom I long. Said romance may not, cannot be -- not now. My logical half tells me that this is only the dopamine flooding my body, numbing all feeling – all feeling but pain. My intellectual self tells me these are just synapses in my brain; tiny electrical impulses controlling my every thought and movement. My rational self tells me this is only a big deal to me. It's only a big deal because it's happening to me. My philosophical self tells me that anything, when reduced to its simplest terms, is pointless.
My observant self tells me no one cares. It's true -- just one more shot into the darkness of oblivion. Another one of life's tragedies spent, whispered into the ear of a dead man, thrown into the realms of the radioactive wasteland of emotion. Too toxic even for editors to touch – this toxic wilderness is the Daylog.