It's never simple, never sweet. Always summed up as the ever-present dread of falling for a boy.

Never streaming-consciousness, always feelings untold. He doesn't want to know how I feel... he's a man... men fear emotions, men fear love and committment... So I go on, wondering what he's thinking (if anything), what to say next. I am subtle in my actions, when all I want is to scream "You are beautiful god damn it, we mix well together"!!!!!

I actually said something late at night to him, which I regret now, it sounds cheesy in retrospect, but it's what I felt. I said "I feel your energy... and I like what I feel".

What if people said exactly what was on their minds all of the time - everything? What if people lived in a constant state without inhibition? What are we so afraid of? I don't know anyone who ever says the entire truth all of the time. So many rules in this society. TACT SICKENS ME!!!

I suppose I should defy rules and express everything, ask him to indulge me by telling me everything.

F*** these masks, these facades that the ego creates in hopes of protecting us from pain. Pain is inevitable and without it we wouldn't be human, we wouldn't have experiences, we wouldn't learn. From now on, I refuse to fear getting hurt by a man, I refuse to fear rejection.

This woman's perspective.