I discovered something today.
The reason why I never seem to do anything, is because it never occurs to me to do so.
I know this sounds obvious, but I needed to take a step back to notice. To some people, this must be second-nature. Jed works two days a week, and just 'does stuff' for the rest. In contrast, I've spent all summer working weekday mornings, walking home, and going straight to bed. On weekends I would only just get up. Not exactly a stimulating way of life.
This weekend was different. In line with my new plan (not taking uni for granted, doing something productive with my life, basically getting my shit together), I actually got up in the morning. I cooked pancakes (American and European), just because I'd never made them before. Even going to sainsburys with my wife was fun. Actually enjoyable, rather than just not unpleasant.
Today we went to see the ducks. It's something I'd been meaning to do for a year now, since I'd first walked past them on the way to view a flat, but I'd been putting it off for ages- It was always raining, or I was too tired, or it was too far. But today seemed right. So we set off to Blackford pond (a half-hour walk from the flat), carrying an old packet of cream crackers.
The contrast was amazing. It was as if we weren't in Edinburgh anymore. The streets were empty, it was nearly silent. You could even hear the birds. Then it started to rain, but it was happy rain. The rain came pouring down, but the afternoon sun was still shining, it was nice and warm, reassuring. The air smelled of rain. Behind us there was a rainbow.
The rain stopped as we got to the pond, and there were even ducks. I'd been worried about them flying south for the winter (not knowing much about ducks), but they were still there, and there were coots, seagulls, geese and even swans! The pondside was full of parents with small children; it was a really happy place to be. We threw bits of cracker to the mallards, until this huge swan came over. We lobbed some over its head so it couldn't eat all of it. When we ran out of crackers, we walked around the pond, watching all the happy children.
Looking back, today was like a holiday, and it only cost a packet of stale crackers. The last time I'd done anything like this was in Inverness, more than a year ago. There are hundreds of things to do that are fun, educational, uplifting, and free. I'm going to do more of them.