Wrote in my diary last night:
Am considering quitting. The hospital's ethics and mine don't match, especially the see a person for only one thing, the continual pressure to hurry, continual meetings and the 18 patients a day. If I think the hospital doesn't rise to my ethics, I'm out of there. I'll give them some options.
-me learning cesarean sections, think I could train with my favorite perinatologists in Seattle.
-I won't do obstetrics with the other group. I don't like their culture, the care they give, how they treat each other or how they treat me.
-I'm ready to do consults about death and dying, POLST forms, weird stuff and dementia. But I want 40 minute visits.
-I would like to do group visits and approached the hospital 2 years ago; they didn't support it. Interestingly I hear that they are going to support it for someone else.
I don't feel loved. I'm the senior woman doctor in the hospital and I've done the most high risk obstetrics. I feel valued and loved by the community, by my friends, by the nurses and hospital staff and by the many specialists I've worked with for years. However, what I am hearing from the administration and my peers is that I should conform. I am told that my practice style is not valued and I am scolded over and over for taking the time I need with complex patients. Yet at the same time three of them have said that I'm an amazing clinician in the last month. Guess they'd just like me to be amazing faster. My partner in Colorado said that she stayed there by "picking her turf and guarding it." and I have been forced to do the same here. My hospital is not an organization that is supportive.
1. If I resign will they pay me the extra RVUs they owe me.
2. Our CEO has always maintained that the no compete clause is to keep big comglomerates out but he wouldn't apply it to us. Is that true?
I am grieving that I may need to quit. Though the other doctors doing obstetrics want me to help them with call, so will be interesting to see what the administration does.