Varius Avitus Antonius - aka Heliogabalus, aka Elagabalus
I've just been reading about the history
of the roman empire
and felt that I simply had to share the antics of Antonius with you all at e2. Although I haven't cut and pasted this write up, it is largely abridged from the work of journalist
Antonius is said by experts to be the most grotesque and perverted individual who ever ruled a state in human history. Whenever he entered the city of Rome, flower petals rained down from the balconies to welcome him and his priests, who carried golden bowls filled with wine and the intestines of children slaughtered in sacrifice.
Despite having a very small penis (it was said to resemble a pickled sprout), was obsessed with big dicks. Barbers, mule-drivers and locksmiths were all appointed ministers of state - simply on the strength of their enormous organs. During his reign, man with small penises were paraded naked through the streets and then publicly executed.
Dressing up as a woman and plying his trade as a prostitute in local brothels. Throwing lavish feasts, during which he would force his guests to eat live parrots and wrestle with lions. Would also surprise dinner guests by scattering poisonous snakes amongst them. He'd then sit back and enjoy the spectacle as they either died from snake bites or were trampled to death in the rush towards the exit. Very partial to tying his enemies to walls and stabbing them with a white-hot poker until they screamed for mercy. Then he would carefully peel their skin off and drop them into a vat of salt.
He also liked a joke did Antonius. One of his favourite wheezes was to send his servants on impossible missions. One poor dude was instructed to go out and collect a thousand pounds' weight of cobwebs. When he failed to complete the mission successfully, he was thrown into a cage and eaten alive by a legion of starving rats.
As what can only be seen as an extremenly justified act, his own soldiers poured liquid gold down his throat, dragged him through the streets and threw him in a sewer.
WHAT AN ARSEHOLE EH?