OK, so I whine. I'm sorry, I can't change my nature.
It's the last day of school. Well, there's the graduation ceremony left
tomorrow, though not for us, yet. I wonder why I went to school today - I
knew there'd be nothing to do there. I had no classes, and the schedule read
'cleaning up the classes'. Hmmhmm. Well, I had promised a friend I'd fix up
his linux. Not much of a day, anyways; woke up practically in the middle
of the night (7 am), by 8 I had reached school, and then I spent next few
hours in computer class, scouring what remained of teufel. It was a
program I wrote to gain a feeling of power in a world where I'm
powerless -
basically, a background daemon for win9x that would run asm("foo: cli;
jmp foo"); (in other words, crash). Stole the code from
bo2k sources.
Yeah, it was pretty lame, totally script kiddie'ish thing to do. Anyhow, I
used it with discretion, only harming those my feverish, suspicious mind
thought had wronged me, and never those doing any schoolwork; but I made a
mistake to reveal its existence to some people. They had endless fun
dropping each other offline, but when they revealed these to yet other
people, this got nasty. Apparently these third parties had a kind of nasty
streak - before I knew it, they were crashing everything on the fricken
class faster than I could say boo, and insisting that I add features and
install it to all computers, too. What could I do? Despite their protests, I
proceeded to erase teufel from all computers. They didn't like it.
Today? When the cleanup began and tasks were being assigned, I grew uneasy.
Not because of work ahead, but because they were done in groups and despite
two years of high school of ivalo and some acquaintances, I really had
no group to be part of. Once it became evident I would be a leftover, I made
a little disappearing trick and sneaked out. Of course, I couldn't leave
the building, as all the exits were already guarded. After a bit of
wandering, I ended up in classes where the aforementioned third parties were
piling desks and chairs on the wall with loud "walking in the sunshine" on
background. How does this all matter? I don't know. I just like to talk.
There was more but I'm bored now, so I'll {cut to the chase[: I really need to
work on my temper. I get pissed off way too easily. Luckily I'm so weak
that if I get violent (funny how that word looks like the violet of
bruises. coincidence?), the only thing I could possibly hurt is my hand.
This, combined with my compulsive dislike of bad logic is unhealthy
combination; for, I've found, there are always people who just decide to
defy all laws of logic. No matter how coherent argument I give them,
they'll respond with something so inane and senseless that it's bound to
make blood rush into my veins, muscles tighten and face contort. Then I'll
say something stupid and piss them off (and embarrass myself). Jolly thing
the people I'd call friends if I had any, are forgiving sort. Though what
they were doing giving stupid arguments in the first place, ...