Tuk Trey, or How I Stopped Worrying About Rank Smells And Learned To Love the Bomb

Warning: this substance smells like God's feet after a 20 mile walk through Paradise in tennis shoes stuffed with fermented anchovies. But really, it's very, very tasty. It is best sampled directly from the kitchen of Elephant Walk, but if you're DIY here's the recipe, which is an essential component of Cambodian Chicken Salad.

  • 1.25 c. water
  • 1.5 c. sugar
  • 1 garlic clove
  • 1 small shallot
  • a few slices of red pepper (don't worry, you'll use the rest in that Cambodian Chicken Salad).
  • 1.5 c. fish sauce
  • 5 t. fresh lime juice (use that plastic RealLime shite that looks like one of the Jolly Green Giant's testicles and you might as well throw the whole thing out).
  • 2 t. salt
  • handful crushed dry-roasted peanuts

In a small saucepan, bring the water to a boil and add the sugar, stirring to dissolve. Set aside and allow to cool*.

*Note! Do not stick your finger in this solution for at least fifteen minutes or you will pull out a cauterized stump! Sugar water gets ridiculously hot, for reasons which the home-ec side of my brain doesn't have access to. Just trust me. Don't do it.

Mince the garlic, shallot and sweet red pepper into very small pieces, or just blenderize the shit out of them*. Stir into the sugar water, then add the fish sauce, lime juice, and peanuts. Adjust levels of ingredients to taste. Enjoy!

*Another Note! Do not skip a step and do the whole thing in your blender. Why? Because of the fish sauce. You won't get that smell out of the plastic components. No, you won't. And then the next time you make one of your goddamn yuppie protein bee-pollen smoothies (because you smoothie people are the only ones to own blenders, as the rest of us know), it is going to have a slight bouquet de funk. And I don't mean Bring Out Da Noise Bring Out Da Funk. I mean Bring Out Da Barf Bag. I mean wafer thin mint.