After I arranged links to my daylog in calendar
format on my homenode, I spent some time reading my old daylogs. I've never really kept a journal
before, at least not for a period of longer than a few weeks. Even though I only have 2 or 3 month
s worth of daylogs, I find what I have written interesting.
Through hindsight, it seems that I take things too seriously. I've thought about it a little, and I suppose it is because of a few reasons.. One, I am too scared. Of everything. I'm a worry rat. Two.. I seem to concentrate upon one thing in my life at a time. Thusly I lose context.. If that thing does not turn out perfect I get very upset. (I'm such a baby.)
The whole thing with the woman whose name I choose not to divulge here, I think I read too much into a casual relationship, where we made mistakes months and months ago. There wasn't enough communication back then.. My fault. Anyway, I am sad that it didn't work out, but, as cliche and naive as it sounds, I am more sad that we are not friends, and that we haven't been for months.. I wrote her an email after we made what we both knew concrete (which was about 1 week ago): That we wouldn't be dating. I ought to have a 24 hr waiting period on my emails. I bet I sounded pretty pathetic.. But I told her I want her friendship. I'm leaving her alone unless she contacts me.
Well, this week is spring break. I'll be working on setting up a domain run on win2000 server for the CV Lounge. I'll also mess with quake 3 map making. I really don't have any friends, just a lot of aquaintances, so I won't be very social this break. The lack of friends is really because of myself. I read DMan's node on Avoidant Personality Disorder and it seemed to ring true with me. I think it's just because I'm not really interesting.
Oh well. Not a very interesting daylog, but, there is one good thing. After this w/u, I'll be on level 2, and able to vote. Huzzah! ( :