I want to be imprisoned.
Of course, that's pretty easy when you're not sure what to do with yourself. It's like having a threshold for tedium. Also, I feel that if I can't express myself, then I'll just force my point and opinions on others in particular by threatening to end my existence. Because they all care about me and my identity so much, they must be drones, drones that the work world seems to demand. I don't know how to defend myself from intimidation, because there is no defense; Or how to deal with someone else holding my life in their hands, because I have no trust. I'm terrified of authority because of the truth that they might reveal.
Sometimes I'm good at creating things, although most of the time I'd rather go and finger myself in bed anyway, where I'm really fickle about understanding how my body works. I'd rather force pleasure out of myself instead of letting it feel good. Even if I don't understand myself, I hate being told about myself in the first place. I'm lazy, but that's who I am; doing what I want at the pace I want. I know that you're patient with me, eagerly awaiting for me to produce some kind of lifestyle that's of high-quality. You consider patience to be a virtue, but I exceed the limits of your patience every time, without fail. I'm always shadowed by someone else.
Anyway, I won't settle for anything less than a job in which I get paid for being lazy and running the show. A managerial position where I can take my time and get it done eventually, where I can abuse authority by whiping the others who don't do it my way. I want to be viewed as a god, eternally in control of the cogs that work the product generator of Earth; I want to be the source of all expenses and pain. Anything less must be torture, in the long run if not in the short.
Does anyone want to join this magic tower?
sigh... I didn't think so. :(
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