Why Self-Lamination is impractical

An extremely deep look into plastification of the self

I sat once, watching Dexter's Laboratory. In one particular episode he devised a way of not getting dirty. Looking at a laminated card of his, he had one of his "Eureka!" moments. Dexter went ahead to laminate/plastificate himself.

The result was one shiny little boy-genius. Dirt slipped right off him, like water off a duck's back. Later on in the show, problems started to emerge. I will take a look at these problems, as well as those not addressed in the show itself.

Problems with Self-Lamination

  1. The "slippery" factor. Dirt is not the only thing that will refuse to stick to you. In fact, anything and everything that you will try to get a hold of will elude you.
  2. The "sliding" factor. Actually part of the first factor, but so frustrating that it deserves to be a factor by itself. All traction that your feet had, will be gone. To move around, you would need to find something to push away from. Not the most convenient mode of transportation.
  3. Here we start looking at the factors not thought of or not addressed in the show

  4. The "breathing" factor. I'm sorry but I don't know how they could not have realised that this would be a major problem. If you are to be totally covered in plastic, you would suffocate. If apertures were to be made to facilitate for breathing, it would ruin the idea of keeping dirt out.
  5. The "excretion" factor. This one speaks for itself.
  6. The "sexual" factor. Sure, dry-humping's cool when you're fifteen. Then it promptly stops being cool. And what'll you do when you...eeeuch!
  7. The "BO" factor. Oh sure, other people won't smell you, but what will the stench be like inside your plastic cocoon in a week's time?
  8. The "trends" factor. Well, your clothes were so cool when you plastified yourself. Things change, though. When corduroy comes back into style, or leather jackets, or something you never expected...how will you adapt?!
  9. The "mock-target" factor. You will be mocked. Wouldn't you mock someone encased in plastic?

Those are only a few factors that immediately come to mind. You have to ask yourself, do you really want to go through all that simply to keep clean?...And are you really keeping clean? Think what an arm in a cast looks like after you take off that cast!


Don't do it. It's as simple as that.