i broke a heart, once.

after doing it to someone else i finally understood what is was like for her, who did it to me. how even though she said she wanted to stay friends she still dreaded every phone call, every apology, every awkward encounter. i know how all of my frantic pleading for a second chance must've made her feel. i realize know that when people say can we still be friends that they really don't want to at all. that they just say it to look like a little less of an asshole/bitch themselves. if only i knew this a year and a half ago. it would have saved so much pain for both of us.

i want to call her, with this new knowledge. just to tell her that i know now, i understand. that i'm sorry. but i can't. it still hurts too much.